Down 12

My reaction to seeing 166 lbs. this morning was disappointment. I felt like I should have lost more than that. It’s interesting how I weigh my mood on just 3 little digits. I realize that I’ve been doing more weight & cross training, so of course my weight isn’t going to melt off like it…

Chaos of the mind

It’s hitting me hard right now. I can’t stop thinking. I can’t stop analyzing. I look at other’s facial expressions, stolen glances at certain people, body language, what they say, and how they act. I take all of that and apply my own assumption of meaning to it. That in turn, dampers my mood &…

The Good, The Bad, an Update

The Bad: Thoughts are running away from me again I’ve been snacking – but not terribly binging – just snacking I haven’t been too patient with my mom I work Friday, Saturday, and Sundays now I’m not beautiful The Good: I’ve continued to workout despite my low feeling I missed this mornings but will play…

A Brewing Storm

Feeling antsy – I think my period is coming soon. I’m: bloated sensitive snacking (a different feeling than binge mood) My calendar update: Notice 2/16 and 2/17 where the yellow is less than half of the date. That’s because I was fast for most of the day, slowed on some snacks in the night but…

The Downhill Night and I Think I Know Why

Victims: Veggie patty, double cheddar cheese, tomato, lettuce, ketchup, & mustard Bowl of Mac & Cheese 2 Hand-full of Chips Self-whippings: “I am not a good daughter because I can’t say yes to my mom all the time” This started on Saturday morning. She wanted me to come over Saturday, Sunday & Tuesday All or Nothing,…

2 Drunk Nights & Gluttony

As the title says – these past 3 nights were filled with alcohol & food. The bad: Friday night: Made myself dinner then drank 4 shots and binged on chips and salsa Saturday night: Went out, had around 5 shots then destroyed a 10 piece chicken nugget, fries, a big-mac, and a double quarter pounder…

The Good, the bad, and a short update

The Bad: This week’s hours are low low low – I have been a bit lost and directionless I have periods of self – doubt with coding – mainly because I feel directionless The Good: I also have periods of confidence to counteract the self doubt 🙂 I started reading the coding books Luke gave me last…

Mindset: Fixed & Growth

What I liked: Carol exposes two beliefs that, when one is followed, can be helpful in stressful situations. I liked it because I related to it and I think it will be one of the thoughts I’ll refer back to as I go through this journey of computer programming. Source: Podcast The Art of Manliness:…

Discouragement & Encouragement

I feel discouraged. What triggered it were: Someone mentioned that they are learning how to do front-end development and they average about 20 hours a week doing so. My reaction – I barely hit 20 hours each week. I’ve been doing it since January now. I should be farther than I am. They’re probably working…

A September Letter & Updated Goals

Dear BoBylan, You’re sitting in Beth’s living room. A couch full of folded clothes lay right next to you, Beth is on the recliner and Kirk is in his little yellow chair. He loves that chair – it’s something he can easily seat himself on, make it his own, like we make the couches ours. For the past…

The Good, The Bad, The Update

The Good: Back at it with working out. Slowly getting back into the groove. Last week, when I wasn’t working out often, Luke was. I typically would feel even worst about myself – when someone around me starts working out and I’m feeling lousy. I realize, hell, I’ve started long before he did, and when I…