Dear BoBylan,You’re sitting in Beth’s living room. A couch full of folded clothes lay right next to you, Beth is on the recliner and Kirk is in his little yellow chair. He loves that chair – it’s something he can easily seat himself on, make it his own, like we make the couches ours.For the past 6 days, you’ve been in this house – a getaway from the hectic mental life that you’ve been living in for the past 6 months. A state you’ve been desperately trying to get out of but do not know how. You do know, no matter how much you question yourself, what is causing this stress. You do not love your job. It’s the embodiment of what you do not enjoy – client interaction, the chore of scheduling, and budget tracking. It’s pretty neat though – sounds very adult like.I think I’m suffering an identity crisis – heavier than ever. Maybe it’s the product of culture’s push towards “finding yourself” and “being yourself”. Regardless – I don’t want to go into a rant about why I’m feeling the way I am. I want to grow – I’ve stopped growing ever since I stopped enjoying work. My room and car is a total mess, I’m a total mess.Changes:1. Find a new job2. Start working out3. Eat healthier4. Pick up the guitar again5. WriteWho do I want to be?I don’t want to be anyone else but me. The problem is, I am so much up and so much down that I don’t know who I am.
I wrote this to myself back in September of last year (only 5 months ago). I was very sad and down about myself in that moment. Today, I am able to check off 3 items on that list = (eat healthier, started working out, and writing). I am working on finding a new job (from the ground up). I still haven’t fulfilled the guitar number but that’s to come.
On the plus side, my room and car is not a total mess, I should have added that to the checklist.
1. Continue learning code
2. Continue working out
3. Continue to eat healthy
4. Continue to write (blog, poems, etc.)
5. Pick up guitar
6. Learn to accept YOURSELF and OTHERS for who you and they are
- comparisons be gone
7. Learn to live with chaos – especially with work
- my fear is that chaos will be the downfall of my climb. Chaos of the mind, chaos of work, and chaos of relationships