When in California, You Feel Lost

You’re on the back patio at the duplex. It’s a bit chilly but you’re protected by two layers of pants, socks, two jackets and the pink blanket with diamond patterns. You’re a bit nauseous from a cigarette. You know you should stop smoking, at the very least because it makes you feel nauseous, but you don’t for some reason.

If you feel lost, remember this moment. The feeling of freedom. You created this freedom for yourself – mostly by saving money. Remember why you left Forba and the happiness that you are after.


You may feel pressured by Beth and Luke to make something of yourself    –  which money will be the root of their worries. But remember, the only pressure that really matters is the pressure you put on yourself. You are resourceful, you will figure things out. Let your goal be your North Star, even if that goal is underdeveloped.

When in California, you feel lost, remember that this life, is yours. You are stronger than you probably feel and smarter than you probably think. Keep strong for the BoBlyan who always yearned to break free from her body she thought was too chubby and the thoughts that kept her down. Follow your heart and intuition.

I’ve enjoyed this time off so much. The most stress I’ve felt comes when I think about my future. No longer am I tied down by managing projects that are outside of my control (and pretending like it isn’t), and pleasing clients that I truly don’t give a damn about.

I’ve enjoyed this time off so much. Of the choices I had to make. What time to get up? Should I go to the gym?  The balancing between learning about development, writing in my journal blog, writing a love story, and part time work at the nail salon. I’ve felt so free. It scares me and is disappointing to me that life can’t be like this, at least people never expect it to or get the chance of having this freedom. Is it my duty, then, to jump back into the workforce, only giving myself two days to actually be me? Or is it my duty to make this work?

When in California, you feel lost – hear that voice that says you can’t. Then listen to the voice that speaks louder and with more confidence, that says you can. You really can.



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