Morning Panics

The first thought I have when I open my eyes after a night long sleep, is, what am I doing with my life.

I get a rush of panic, I get this…caffeinated ache in my heart that I interpret as “you’re doing the wrong thing!”.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I had to repeat to myself, internally, that I am ok. I am ok. Everything is going to be alright.

I cleaned the kitchen and thought some more, revisited old epiphanies that helped me out of this funk before.

  1. Life is not so serious. I’ll fail, I’ll get up, and I’ll fail again.
    1. (Beth) “U just have to throw yourself in there.. And if you fail, it’s ok.. I had my first fail at my last job. It’s the act to starting that is difficult”
  2. No one is going to stop what they’re doing and point their finger at me in disappointment and in judgement. I had a vision and I am working towards achieving it. That is awesome in itself.
  3. I DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE BEST.
  4. I DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE BEST. Just operational 😉
  5. There is no book of life. No “right” path and “wrong path”, there are simply paths.

After I cleaned, I situated myself on the back deck. Signed up for a prep course for June for JavaScript. I know I’m really taking it slow – but, I feel good about it. It appeals to my procrastinating side. And it gives me time to write my book.

I started a new blog where I mind dump my story. You know, it seems like the popular thing to do when you want to improve yourself is to take up public speaking. Sometimes in the form of stand up comedy. I’ve had a few friends wanting to go this route – Oprah is doing public speaking, Dylan wanted to do stand up comedy, Charlotte wants to do stand up comedy. Me – I do want to improve myself, but I want to do so by writing a book. It’s incredibly challenging just like public speaking. But, I think it’s even more challenging because of the patience you need to come up with scenes and writing them out. I tend to fast-forward and skip pages when I get bored while reading, so that’s why it’s a challenge for me to actually do the writing part.

Any ways. Here I go writing. The story is about Andy and Lewis.

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