His role in my life was to give me courage.
He was by my side when I quit a well paying job because it didn’t feel right.
He was by my side when I planned to move across the country because it felt like the right answer.
He was by my side when I changed my mind and decided to stay because I’ve changed.
Now, he is stands in the same spot those choices have stood.
And it’s that same courage he unknowingly helped developed that I’m using on him.
In my last post, I asked the question:
Do I love him while we sit on the surface and I dive deeper alone into the intricacies of life knowing he’ll be waiting for my resurface? Or do I leave him and go in search for someone who is capable of diving with me?
I’ve arrived at an answer this morning. I will leave him and go in search for someone who is capable of diving with me. It’s taking all of my courage to make this decision.
He won’t be my side when I pursuit my passion.
He won’t be my side should I ever plan to move.
He won’t be my side in the decisions that I make in the future.
And it’s all going to be ok.
I’m facing darkness, the unknown. But I’m not looking away in fear. I stand with my chest pumped and my head held high. I will look darkness right in the eye and tell it I’m not afraid anymore. I will stare until the day I am able to see in the darkness. And it’s no longer the unknown.