Midday afternoon, he picked me up. We drove to a Home Depot parking lot where I told him, not very well, why we should break up.
I cried profusely, he cried a bit. He was lost and confused. He didn’t understand me when I said I need someone who I could have deeper conversations with. He was angry because he didn’t understand my abstract statement. I didn’t know how else to explain it.
In a way, for him to not understand me was the point of it all. We are not on the same brain wave length. Is 3 months shy of 2 years not enough time to realize if you’re ever going to be on the same wave length or not?
What I want:
- I want to be able to say ‘he just gets me’
- We can talk about anything
- He encourages and appreciates my curiosity
- He’s great with people and loves animals
What I didn’t get was all the above. Even though Luke loved me deeply and wanted to give me everything I wanted, he can’t force himself to become the above. I want so bad to love him back the way he loved me, but I couldn’t. It’s unfair of me to have one foot out the door while he’s all in.
I am going through regret, mixed with fear, and heartbreak. Yes, I broke up with him, but the same familiar pain that came with my first love’s heartbreak is felt when he let me go.
I’m staring at the darkness now. I have to remind myself to face the unknown and that someone out there needs me as I need him.