My Little Jester and the Letter

Meet Jester, my four month old lab mixed with *I think* pointer.

I adopted him from Unleashed pet rescue in Mission, Kansas. I had no intentions of adopting a puppy but he snagged my heart the moment he walked in slowly with his forehead leading the way and his puppy eyes looking up at Hana and I.

He came from a foster home where his parents were kept and he was the only of his litter to not be adopted.

I took him to Penn Valley Dogpark yesterday with, his older brother. At first he was timid and afraid of the other dogs, but sporadically he would burst into play with dogs his size. He’s going to be a fun little guy.

I am hoping that he becomes a big guy, but judging by the size of his paws, he might be lab size or a little smaller. I have full intentions of socializing him enough to where he is comfortable with playing with other dogs.

_____________________________________________________

Luke left a letter on my windshield the day I adopted Jester. Not yet a week since we broke up. It almost deterred me from going through with adopting. My mind was waffling – should I get back with him? Is adopting a dog just a way to fill the void? Am I making a huge decision too impulsively?

The letter he wrote filled the front and 1/3 of the back of the paper. His handwriting was small and straight on the paper. He wrote that he missed me and he dreamed of me. He wrote he realized why we broke up and what I was trying to say. That he understood what I meant by wanting someone more encouraging and energetic.

Perhaps I should have just discussed it with him before breaking up. But the issues I had seemed more characteristic driven, not something I would want to change in someone if that’s not them.

In attempts to discuss before, he got defensive and shrugged his shoulder saying “that’s how I am”.  That’s a common theme with him, he gets defensive when I point out something with him. Even at my request for him to not follow cars too closely because the stopping and going made me nauseous he was defensive about, like “I can’t drive any other way”. But, he did drive slower and was more mindful.

I acknowledge my tendency to point things out and it could get annoying, and I’ve talked to him about it. But, still, there are times I feel I should be able to point things out and we can talk about it rather than him just shrugging his should passive aggressively and say ‘that is how I am’. He did adapt to what I wanted, but it was done without the intention of being kind.

In one of our bigger arguments, he yelled loudly at me, reminding me of a child not getting his way, that I always nit pick him and have issues with ‘everything’ he does when he never nit picks me. It is true that he never does me, and the fact that he felt I had an issue with ‘everything’ he did is sign enough that our joint path was not going to work. At least right now.

We started arguing, he yelling at me, I probably yelled at him. I demanded he drop me off and we didn’t spend the night together. That was one of our bigger fight, a battle of our characteristics and judgement of each other.

I’m painting him in a terrible light, mostly because I want to feel less guilty and regretful of our broken relationship. These were things, though, that were red flags to me. None of which makes him a bad person, but that us together was not a good match.

BUT, I’ll end the rant.

The letter was sweet, but I’m no fool to my indecisive emotions. I know what I want. I went through the adoption, and today is day 2 of having Baby Jester.

I intend to take Jester on his 2nd dog park trip this afternoon. Pictures to come!

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