Life: Now or Later

We’re all dying.

what we did yesterday, do today, will tomorrow doesn’t matter. One day humans will no longer rule the earth. Our blood, sweat, and tears have no affect on the universe and all will be forgotten eventually.

Nothing will matter – the fight you had with you sister, the laughter you shared with your best friend, the money you donated to the local animal shelter, and the overtime you continuously give to your employer. Nothing will be remembered.

In the picture below. You use to work in that tall building where you walked to every day. Now it’s all in ruins. And you, have been dead for 100 years.


Why do we push forward with life as if we are something special knowing full well of our true insignificance?

If nothing matters (in the long run) why try?

If we’re all going to die, why continue?

Why run and eat healthy when we’re all going to get dementia with saggy skin?

Sounds depressing, but really, I’m not trying to be. It’s an honest question. I ask it as a way to push myself to live to the fullest instead of being in a perpetual state of stopping my productivity by asking myself ‘why when it doesn’t matter’.

3D white people. Psychologist
Dr. BoBylan back at it again with a deep dive

If in the long LONG run what we do all results to be insignificant, than why do we continue?

To be honest, this questions comes up when I am in a position where I am not happy: a stressful job, an unsatisfactory relationship, restrictive diet, intensive workout regime, and when I think about my future in terms of my career.

I think ‘WHY AM I SUBJECTING MYSELF TO UNHAPPINESS WHEN LIFE IS SHORT’ whilst working at a stressful job.

But now that I’m in a low stress low pay job, I get the feeling of ‘WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE, MY OLD AGE IS GOING TO BE A STRUGGLE’.

So the stress here is what will be my career for the next 50 years and will I be able to retire comfortably.

For a low stress present, I possibly forfeited a comfortable future. Today I signed up for a Roth IRA account and made myself feel a little better about the future.

The purpose of life for me is to live a life where I have space to be happy and to be able to do things that make me feel happy. Long run doesn’t matter because we all die, but since I’ve agreed to live out my life as in not killing myself, I owe it to myself to live the life I want for the short period that I am here. But, I also owe it to myself to be responsible and think about my old age. Who will take care of me? Will I have enough money to live comfortably? Also, the purpose of my life is to love. I have friends that I love, now I want a man I can love whole heartedly.

I’ve never done so before. And it’s something I’ve always wanted since middle school, a whole hearted love.

I feel I peaked early driven by other’s expectations. I used up a lot of energy doing well in school while fighting an unhappy childhood. Now, I’m living for me. It feels great on one hand, but on the other hand, the responsibility is greater to not be a fuck up. I always thought I didn’t have high expectations out of myself…so it’s only right that now that it’s all up to me that here I am.

I’m in a better place than I was a year ago, even though it may feel like a backward step for my career. I feel good.

I’m still in an exploration mode.











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