Dear Employed Vien

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I should have written this the 3rd of July of this year, the day before I started working. I wanted something to look back on when I feel really stressed with work. The months between November 2015 to July 2016 was something like a sample of retirement, a once in a lifetime feel. Maybe I’ll call it my own personal Enlightenment Period. The youth and the freedom that I had – I’ll never have again.

dandelion-sunset-painting-michelle-eshleman

So instead of unemployed Vien, you get a 1 week old into employment Vien. I’ll try to tap into the unemployed Vien.

Lets see. I use to get up whenever I wanted, and usually what I wanted was early. I use to want to be a writer, a singer, a songwriter. I’d spend some days outside with a notebook and guitar coming up with never to be finished songs. Other mornings and nights, I’d spend outside with my laptop typing away a never to be finished story. Something changed along the way that landed me as a creator of almost spammy but legally not emails. It was stress and worry that I would become broke pursuing the dreams. Mainly – because my ideas are never to be finished. So logically, I could do remote work and write whatever I wanted after hours. If it’s something I enjoy, then I would want to do it after hours. This leads me to the topic of hobbies, which I discuss below.

A lot of things changed and happened… I quit my job and took a risk by living off a part time job at a nail salon and my savings, I planned to move my entire life to California, I changed my mind and decided to stay in Kansas City, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, I got off of social media, I adopted a new puppy, I got a new job, I slept with my first boyfriend twice, I started falling in false love with my first boyfriend who didn’t return the same feelings, I started smoking pot, and last but never all, I’m losing weight.

So yes, I’ve been through changes, and they’re all choices that I’ve made. Throughout the changes though, I’ve learned many things:

  • Have hobbies: happiness is when you’re doing something that 1) you are good at and 2) passes the time without you realizing it. If you don’t have hobbies, then throw yourself into uncomfortable positions to become good at it. I’ve used guitar here. It’s very difficult right now because I’m awkward on the guitar, but I practice it everyday to get better. This lesson can be transferred to the stress that comes with a new job. I was stress on week 1, and I will continue to be stressed, but like guitar, it is harder because it is new.
  • Get lost in the wonders of our universe: our Earth, the moon, the sun, the universe, there is so much wonder in our life and so much to learn from that can give us perspective on our significance and our importance. Just think about it, no one knows what is beyond the black wall.
  • Reject sexy: if you’re not sexy, don’t try to be sexy. As in, sexiness comes naturally. If it’s something you have to try to do, then you are probably not comfortable, which is not sexy. What I’ve been doing lately is not looking into mirrors too often. It’s a learning curve because I am balancing between not caring about what I look like and being scared to look at myself in fear that I won’t like what I see. But overall, I think it’s helped me not put body image at the front of my mind.
  • You are not all that: You are not all that no matter what compliments you give yourself, and what comments others make that gives you a sense of significance, aka a big head. But on the flip side, you’re not all bad. No matter what you tell yourself, and what others tell you.
  • Work out everyday: if you are sedentary for more than half the day, go work out. Having a higher threshold, more endurance, and a more toned body feels good. Not to mention, wearing cute clothes feels good.
  • Don’t be petty: I am a petty person, and I am just now realizing it. Taking things personal and being sour is only hurting yourself because the other person isn’t boggled by the stress of hate.
  • Be vulnerable and be honest with people: I try to put up a strong front that people see through. It feels better to talk openly and honestly with people, let them see you because we are only getting closer to the end of our lifespan every single day.
  • The grass is just as green as the other side: I tend to think the opposite here. I’ve been on both sides of the fence enough times in life to know that both sides are just as green as each other. There are always butt loads of pros and butt loads of cons on each side. It doesn’t mean you should settle with where you’re at. Instead know that there is always something else that can make you happy if you are not in your current situation.
  • Love is when two people are really into each other and they don’t try to hide that fact: No further explanation needed here.

So, employed Vien, hello from the past. I hope that you are happy with life, and that you never cease to go after what you want. I hope you live by your life laws and the bullet points above. Remember to stay humble and curious.  Give time to those who make you happy, and when you’re alone, get to know yourself. Employed Vien, I also do hope that you’ve fallen madly and deeply in love. The kind of love you know exists. The love that doesn’t discourage or judge you, but instead magnifies your humbleness and curiosity. The love that makes you look back on the beaten path your heart took and say ‘it was all worth it’. Dear employed Vien, never feel shackled because you never are.

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