Vien – don’t be afraid of the world.
I am sitting at the Starbucks on Main Street, Downtown Kansas City. I took myself out of the house because, I think I’ve been cooped up and a bit stressed from it without realizing. I put on a top, something other than a t-shirt, and I’ve got my maroon pants on. I blow dried my hair straight. It’s so long right now, it kind of gets in the way, but I really like it.
I came here to work, and I will. But I had a thought that kept itching me that I had to stop and write a blog about it. I don’t want to forget it, or lose it.
I am so at peace here. The sun is on its way down, it’s about 7:40 P.M. on a Wednesday evening. A yellow hue, my favorite setting of the day, saturates the sitting area. The hue plays well with the color of the wooded table and chairs. The hue also plays well with the iced black tea visible through the clear Starbucks cup. I stumbled on elevator music that adds an even better touch to the scene.
I started opening my work. I notice myself tensing and I realize, I’ve been tense when it comes to work. I’ve always been so. There is a constant panic (it’s there even when things seem leveled). A sense of urgency rakes through me and catches everything on fire. Others feel the same, that’s why when fire touches fire it becomes an even bigger stressor.
Earlier, my Big asked me what I wanted in 5 years. I couldn’t answer her – which is strange because lately I know myself better than I’ve ever known myself. Sitting here, has made me realize what I want in 5 years. I can’t describe the exact position or state I’ll be, but I can describe the feeling I want to feel. I want to feel this moment in Starbucks. I want to feel relaxed, I want to feel smart without the panic, I want to feel free from the worry of disappointing others.
Work doesn’t have to be a stressor, I don’t know who created that correlation. I’m out to prove myself right on this note. And thank you AIB for this Vente Black Iced Tea, unsweeted.