I’m at that tipping point again. My mind is calling out for help, but I don’t know how to help it exactly. How do I handle situations where I feel uncomfortable, how do I handle spurts of self-defeating thoughts, and how do I handle extreme boredom?

I most often get to this point during or after gatherings with friends or family. If I move to Portland, this would be a great way to find out if I am a creature of extreme habit and simple social events cause binging episodes. But, left alone too often also acts as a possible trigger.

If I moved to Portland, I’ll also be able to test my cleanliness. How would it be to control my own space? It will be lonely because there won’t be anyone to there to check out my set ups.

I’m on the fence about Portland, I may purchase tickets after this blog. I’m sitting here with a full belly. I desperately want to know what it is my body/mind is telling me that it needs. It’s not romantic love – I’ve never been in love so I don’t know what I’m missing, it’s not friendships – I have some pretty strong relationships, it’s not family – I feel I’ve worked on my relationship with my family, it’s not being a pet mom – I take Cheeto and Chester out quite often, it’s not physical fitness – I’ve noticed myself get faster and stronger. Could it be the yearn for project completion?

I’ve never completed a project I’ve been truly proud of. I chalk that up to my inability to really focus and stay focused through the challenges. I’m currently making improvements in the area of focus training.

Perhaps it’s my body crying to me to go to Portland. My binging is such a negative trait, but it is also the trait that got me into running, and perhaps it is my body’s way of telling me something needs to change. That’s the language it knows how to speak and I have to decipher it.




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