I lied…

I texted him this:

“I love you very much for the person that you’ve become. You inspire me in more ways than you know, the first to encourage my creativity, challenge my thoughts, and make me see the world differently. You’ve thanked me a many times but I’ve thanked you little in return. I’ve also apologized very little for past things I know was wrong. Had I been more mature I would have realized this and fought for you to stay because, people like you are gems. I’ve never been honest about my feelings for you, but I am ready now. I don’t expect to be your cup of tea – please don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings with honesty. I just want to know if I am or not so I can either keep brewing for you or retire the kettle.”

I thought more than I wanted to – and still do. This can’t possibly work out with the amount of sorrow I have towards the situation. Right? The amount of desperation I am showing him… true love doesn’t need this, neither party wants this. Kevin was this towards me and I know how I feel about him. Billy must feel the same – just tell me.

I think that’s what I need to hear.

I think.

I think.

I think I’ll be okay without him.

But.

I think it’ll be really hard getting there.

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