As of this morning…

I’m 9 pounds away from not being ‘over weight’ on the BMI scale…5 pounds from college weight.

What happened?

1. Got rid of mirrors and need to check image

2. Got rid of social media.

4. Got heart broken

5. Pursued hobbies

6. Practiced deliberately

I’m still putting effort into each number..and going through #4. Don’t pity me, I’ll be better off by the time you read this.

Crazy thing is I still feel overweight and unattractive. I notice people looking at me more though… It’s a strange thing. Before I felt invisible…today I feel seen…both may be entirely in my head. I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to need someone to validate me positively (such as complements) to get rid of these consistent thoughts while in public. I think about how I look so damn much. Its unhealthy and why I got rid of mirrors and social media. I want to not be bothered by others opinions.

I want this..If I think I am beautiful that day, then I am. No matter what any side glance or self reflection tells me. If I think I look bummy, then I’ll admit my little efforts and carry on.

I don’t need another voice telling me I’m beautiful or that I am different. I know I am. But I’m not special, I just know I have potential I want to tap into. Love is always on my mind but its nothing I can control. What I do to make my life fuller is what I can control…

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