Stop

Smoking – Lorence gives disapproving look She thinks I let the dog out and got lost. She thinks I’m not thinking clearly. This is all mind reading. I have no idea what she is thinking. She knows how much I do this, and how capable I am of making good decisions. I did not let…

What’s Wrong With Me

I see the ACW has 11/3 – 11/4 off of work… my conclusion is he is coming to KC – as he said he was thinking of doing…but he didn’t tell me so. Which means, he’s not interested. Self talk time… I don’t know if that’s what he’s doing or not… if it is what…

Waiting 

I will always be that girl. I’ll always text you first and be the one to want to see you always.  No matter how many times I’ve said ‘its the last time’ I’m always right back at your doorstep begging you to let me in. 

Want to grab dinner?

Why? I don’t have any dinner plans. I don’t want to go grocery shop, nor do I feel like staying home. Why don’t you call your other girlfriends? I enjoy dinner with WHF more, is that bad? At least, that’s how I feel right now. I haven’t seen a few friends in a while so…

Girls Like Pip

Get the late night messages from her ex saying he still loves and wants her. Girls like Pip can’t be forgotten. She’s the one that got away. She doesn’t go looking, she’s herself until she is seen. Girls like me…well, we find other things to do. It gets a little boring, especially at night time….

Baby steps

+ I only had one vodka water  – I ‘pigged out’ once home + I didn’t reach the point of diminishing returns – On track to regaining weight Going out was ok. Better than staying home..but I was ready to leave an hour into it. Power and Light has become less…appealing.  When will I get…

Self Reflection

I read through my last post and realized I actually do need to do the self reflecting parts. Write out what is bugging me and challenge those thoughts. Negative Thoughts: I keep seeing 0 texts. 0 texts = 0 care? I get a sinking feeling when I don’t see any texts from people. I’ve tried…

Binge Again

4 lbs. gained in 3 days. 10/27 = 137 10/29 = 141 That’s how easy and quick it is to gain weight, especially with an eating ‘disorder’. It’s done, but here’s a mind dump of why and what I can do next. My theory (developed as I write): Every weekend, if I don’t have any…

Dear future.

6:33 At Asian buffet. Plate of crawfish and egg drop soup. I will not over do it. I feel really good in my body and that feels so much better than food makes me feel. I’m not binging tonight for you future BoBylan

Keep Writing

When things go well, I stop writing. So I stop reflecting, which means things will go wrong again. So this post is my effort to write even when I didn’t feel like it. To be honest, I wasn’t going to write until I noticed myself freaking out, again, about my social relationships. How I’m feeling…

Fear > Guilt

More than anything else, I believe fear rummages through my overfilled body and mind. After the last post, I continued to raid the fridge. I had in all: Spam Eggs Rice Chicken soup Ice cream/caramel Two pieces of sweet candies Chips and salsa  3 pieces of jerky It felt great in the beginning but then…

Overfilled

I’m laying on the couch with old man nestled next to me. My stomach is in a little bit of pain. There is so much food in there…it hadn’t been pushed to this capacity in a really really long time. I had a big appetite tonight for many reasons: Pms I’ve been so hungry. Lost…