Call me a corpse – the power of writing

because I be ‘lyin’ all the time…

I keep going back and forth on texting Billy or not. My last post, I said I wouldn’t. Now, as I watch this video of this older gentleman talk about why he remains humble, it resonated with me and encouraged me to grab my phone.

Initially I didn’t want to text him because I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what I wanted out of it…

I do want to respond, because…

FUCK.

Actually I don’t know. Because why? If I respond, then I’m lying to myself because anything I say will imply I’m ok and wasn’t phased by his silence. I’m not going to stroke his ego anymore. Remember? I promised myself I wouldn’t give him any more pieces of my heart. Understanding is a piece I would give if I respond with anything.

God, I’m dancing between being spiteful and doing what’s right, for me or for him? I have no idea…

I’ll just leave it at that.

I got complimented by this older gentleman at the gym today for my push ups so that’s a plus…

Anyways, back to work I go.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s