I was running high, feeling, great, feeling invincible. Fuck Billy, he’s missing out on this fine ass…
I dropped down to the ground..but I wasn’t subdued. I recognize the ups and lows and know neither amount to any truths. But, this I realized…
I’ve been trending towards feeling like I have the upperhand in this Billy situation just because it’s my turn to respond. My reality is so skewed. The truth could easily be this:
Billy took forever to respond because he takes care in his responses… he wasn’t doing it out of spite. Now that he has responded, he feels better and is at peace with himself. He’s not waiting around like I was for him. That’s probably more closer to the truth than anything else I’ve thought. It makes me feel good to think the silence is killing him, but it’s not. I need to accept that he sincerely does not want to commit to me and walk on.
So I don’t know what to do – should I just not respond and completely let go, when I see him again I’ll thank him in person for his honesty?
Should I respond with “I’m disappointed but thanks for the honesty?” See, anything that I respond with will be in hopes of a response. That’s the bottom line. If I don’t send, then there will be no hope.
I desperately wish I no longer cared…I wish to be free. Eventually I will be, but will I be happy as well?
I had a long nice shower and thought of a messenger app idea… I’ll develop this idea after I finish work.