And so I let him go…

Kevin

Here we are again, except it’s for Billy, and this time it’s not by choice.

No…

My choice would be to never let go, ever. My choice would be next to him, supporting him, pleasuring him, and loving him every day. My choice could always be him….

(Vien, you’ve told him this. There’s nothing else you can do to make him love you. Please get it and get out)

My god, I loved him so, how did I ever forget? I was blinded by my young anger and hurt ego, so much so, I forced myself to forget how I felt about him.

I know, I can’t keep waiting for him…but I will and that is what scares me the most. I could possibly never meet another person who heats me up as much as he and gets me like him, but will love me like he doesn’t.

What does this mean?

For starters it means this post will be the last post where I dump my feelings for him. It starts with really letting go of any hopes that he will ever reach out to me. Second plan of action is what I would do in case he does reach out. I haven’t thought that far yet, let me get through step one first.

WML – you have my heart now, but I for the love of god, it’s only for this phase in my life.

 

I am going through regret, mixed with fear, and heartbreak. Yes, I broke up with him, but the same familiar pain that came with my first love’s heartbreak is felt when he let me go.

I’m staring at the darkness now. I have to remind myself to face the unknown and that someone out there needs me as I need him.

I am going through mourning, mixed with foolish hope, and low self-esteem. Yes, most of me knows it will never work out the way I want, but that takes nothing away from how I feel.

I’m staring at the darkness now. I have to remind myself to face the unknown and that someone out there needs me as I need him. And…yes, I will be able to show him the side of me that I have only ever shown WML. Perhaps that’s the hold he has over me…he’s the only one that’s barged inside…what would happen if I let another inside as such?

 

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