Hard Night

Tough night tonight… Im not going to go into detail about what’s his face as I’ve promised to not do so anymore. Tonight was just a hard night without. 

Karen went off with her boyfriend, Lola and I went on a cruise and conversate trip around town. I talked to her about what’s his face and also about Dave… 

I’ve been thinking about him, Dave, and to be frank, I’ve crushed on him a little when we worked together. He was the James Dean of our work place, the forever out of my league. But I feel like we might click. I thought about reaching out to him before… But I don’t know if I will. I don’t know if I can handle another rejection so soon…and I feel like a lonely crab looking for a new shell. And…he must be into cool blond girls. 


The thing to do is to first get over…well maybe not over… be content with life without what’s his face…but I’ve heard the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new… And that was from someone with a PhD…

All I know is that I don’t know. 

I just want to be out of love with what’s his face desperately. I also want to begin reaching my full potential, whatever that looks like too. Life is dull without your person even if you have a great life going…is that sad that I think that? Does what’s his face have his person already? Or must I really be unappealing to him. Both speculations are equally painful. 

Will he ever be in my shoes as I act out indifference towards him or is this how it will be for the rest of our lives. 

The rest of our lives… That no longer sounds like a long time… Its a very short time and I don’t want to waste a minute of it…

So should I be forthcoming and persue what I think I want to not waste time? Isn’t that what I did with what’s his face (WHF)? Opened myself up as to not waste anymore time. Now that he told me no, I know to leave him be. 

I’m waiting around for him to realize what a great thing we could have…how stupid is that. That’s wasting time. If he doesn’t see it then it must not be great as my imagination – which isn’t his fault. 

Anyways…that’s where my silly head is at. I am going to New Orleans this weekend. A part of me is really hoping to meet someone <3. But I’ve already jinxed myself by thinking it…. At least events will keep me busy this weekend and next weekend to keep my mind off WHF. I really wish he was my person as I’ve shown him so much of me… But like my last posts says perhaps what holding me back is my inability to open up to another the way I’ve opened up to WHF. So much energy is spent on that. 

I’ve already said too much about WHF

I hope to have pleasant trip this weekend…


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