I may be the common denominator in my annoyances with a few people..or perhaps it’s a side affect of growing into myself and I’m learning who I want to be around because they make me a better person. But, is that in itself the root of the issue? Should I be that critical of people?
I am a hard person to be around sometimes. I get annoyed, I shut down, sometimes I’m petty, and overly sensitive. Those are my flaws and it promotes my insecurities with relationships.
In love, I’d like someone who makes me better by understanding my flaws and my aspirations. Help me expand my perspective and horizon because I am a life long learner and am open to changing my mindset.
I don’t know what my next step are in this aspect but I acknowledge my cold behaviors (very similar to my mom). In the same vein, though, I must trust my instincts with these things. Losing a friend isn’t the worst thing in the world if you replace them with people who make you better, right?
I’ve had my phone on this mode for 90% of the day as to not wait for that text from WHF. I’m not going to be the first to text him anymore… I truly am not. I have a clearer idea of how a healthy relationship is formed and it isn’t my recent behaviors. If he wants to see me again, he knows how to reach me.
I’m thinking of outwardly asking 4CW if he is seeing anyone…and if not, would he like to have lunch with me. Mainly because I don’t want to waste anymore time and because I want to get to know him more… Maybe it could lead to a friendship if anything. I’ll give a little, what’s needed, to open up the channel and let the man take on the rest.
We are staying in a Budget Host Inn right now. It was a pretty lo6ng, 78% enjoyable day. My biggest irritation was being around a couple people who bugged me in certain ways, my scratchy throat, and headache. In the moment I am laying next to Amber, Lola is laying with feet next to my head on my right. On the other bed is Sam and Karen. Tomorrow is another full day.
I am looking forward to boring weekends where I am forced to do something with myself such as running, guitar, or web development. On that day, when I’m bored and I don’t want to do any of those things, I’ll think to WHF but I won’t. Instead I’ll text 4CW and ask what I said I would above.
During tail gating we were near MGC’s tent. I realized I was wanting attention, I was drunk, and moving around quite a bit.
I broke away, took a few hits off my batty on campus (I know) and slowly walked around my old stomping grounds. It was a really hefty and profound moment. I reeled myself back in and refocused on what’s most important to me. Two new mantras are:
Trust in the learning process:
- Boredome will occur
- Procrastination will occur
- Performance anxiety will occur
- Stage fright will occur
- Doubt will occur
Do not seek attention, instead, blend into the crowd:
- No promiscuous clothes
- Seek knowledge rather than attention
Old Gem: Teach people how to treat you.
Go after what you want because that’s the only point to living.