I realize now how much a guy will try if they want you. Common sense is sinking in. I’m a bit saddened that WHF hasn’t reached out beyond the day after we texted. He does know I’m in Columbia so maybe that’s why… But probably because this isn’t worth persuing to him. Which, I reiterate, is no fault of any ones. It’s just unalligned feelings. I am glad we are keeping it platonic (besides the kisses we share) because sex really does make it harder.
This begs the question… Should I put myself out there anymore? Or should I focus on my goals and let the chips fall where they may? Even though I know I want to persue 4CW, I shouldn’t.
What for anyways? Him, truly, I’d just like to hear him talk and joke. I love his demeanor and his self deprecating jokes when complimented. It’s different somehow, with him. Its not just because I want his attention. Or maybe its everything wrapped up in a package that I really want to offer to him.
50% of me wants, 50% of me says don’t. The card image is what I purchased with him in mind at Led Bourgeois Vinyard. Its rugged design and words reminded me of him and I liked to give it to him one day – will I ever give it to him? Not anytime soon.
I’ll only benefit if I don’t persue him and focus on my crafts. That way: I’ll be more skillful in my hobbies and will know myself so much more. I am into him because of how he thinks and his focus power. I want that too for myself.
Ok. So…here it is:
I’m letting the chips fall where they will… I can’t control 💘 but I can control what I do with my time everyday. And right now, it won’t involve love.