No more bull shitting or trying to ‘get to know people’. Everyone is out for themselves even if it may not seem so. I am petty, that is who I am. I can’t stand the gossiping, the ‘yeah that’s great and totally fine’ until who ever is out of the picture and shit just starts coming out. I do that too, but I will distance myself from these people if they aren’t my type of people. I’m done with caring or being affected by others feelings. I don’t care anymore. Life is pointless, our reality is twisted by our upbringing yet we each think we are the best example of a good person. Well, I’m not. At my funeral, there will be few. But I won’t give a shit because I’ll be on my way back to the grounds of this Earth.
I’m annoyed by everyone, disappointed by most (including myself). I just now don’t care. I’m only going to try my best at work. I’ll collab and be easy to work with. But there will be no ass kissing, no back stabbing, no bus throwing, and no getting personal. I’ll update you when I lose my job because of it… I’ll also only care about my music. Music and running are my bestest friends, they always have been. They’re the only thing that consistently makes me feel good upon completion.
Goodbye to pasts, presents, and future persons whom I would have let in…in the same breath, goodbye to disappoinment. Girls and boys will be close to each other, there will be laughter and a sense of comradery while I observe and feel a bit lonely but I’ll be ok.
You know why?
Because I’ve tried my darndest and still feel that loneliness…the difference now is I won’t give a shit. It’s no ones fault, just my chemical imbalances. I will lose so many friends, I can feel it, but one thing to look forward to is this:
When it comes time for laughter, it will come from my heart. When love develops for me, it will be from my heart. I’m not cutting off people, I’m just putting up a fence as to who I want to be close to. I won’t need to confide in anyone because I won’t have anything to confide about. I won’t overthink shit storms, I’ll take it when it comes and learn to flush the toilet.
Goodbye to it all. I’m ready to live as the shitty person that is underneath all this fake smiles and fake friendly persona.