Stuck

Thoughts create feelings which in turn creates this feeling of being stuck. Right now, I should be at home with family, or I should be visiting my Colorado friend because both family and her are leaving tomorrow. The way I’m feeling, though, is tired. I don’t want to spend anymore time home – because – it’s all in my…

Binge

Yeah 😦 145. I worked so hard to get to where I did, now I’m losing the ground I gained. I’m really scared. I’m the beginning and ending to life as I know it. I could get out of my own way. What is going right in my life? My parents are still alive My…

Hello Friday

My black friday purchases: wireless keyboard laptop boost up thing Amazing Grace (Philosophy brand) fragrance spray Oscillating space heater I also scored some parental givings: Dad found an unused monitor, so I have dual monitor set up Parents gave me an unused roller (I just found the pleasure in self compression massages with those things)…

Vienna Waits For You

I’ve been feeling down recently and much of it is due to my inability to focus and too much ability in ruminating.  Today went this way: dog parked, leash trained, breakfast, computer, gym, minor panic sent me to my car. Cried. Felt extremely low and lonely. Called mom. Came home. Got a pedicure and armpit…

Brazilian Ju Jitzu

Seriously considering this…for depressing reasons. Here are the shameful desires: Physical contact it’s been so long since I’ve touched another in more ways than a brush on the shoulder or a sideways hug. I want the embrace, even if they’re trying to twist my joints into submission WHF This is his life. He’s talked about…

Random Thoughts Throughout the Workday

I Know Nothing ~ 10:02 a.m. You know what really sucks right now? The realization that you aren’t all that. These rejections have hurt a lot because it’s completely knocking down my game and what I thought were truths. I guess the getting over that part is what I’m going through now. My ego, man…

Practice Makes Perfect

I’m writing because I’ve got the munchies really bad. I just want to eat, eat, and eat. I don’t want to feel this uncertainty and insecurity. And to not feel that, I have to put a bandaid over it in the form of eating. It would tire me out completely. Afterwards, I’ll still have my…

Confessions & Daily Digest

Confessions. These moments where I really get down about myself in thinking of you still exists. Its really sinking in. I attach your rejection as a score on my looks. Each time I look in the mirror, I understand why a little more and more. I’m losing weight, and I don’t feel beautiful. At least,…

140.2

I’m dancing around the 40s number. Lowest I hit was 137 but I felt really weak. I wonder if I will be under that number, ever. My knee is starting to ache, my running days must be numbered.  Today is Saturday, Pip and Florence are off to home with the goal of getting Pip a…

Daily Digest #3

My days have become gentle and routine. My dog is eyeing me, wagging his tail with every move I make. He’s gotten use to our daily dog park trips. My comforter is white, and it makes that crisp sound I love when I shuffle it. I have Spotify playing the Deep Focus channel. I’m in…

Daily Digest..

Yesterday I didn’t write at all – which is a good sign because I was able to handle the stresses my thoughts caused myself. But – I must be careful, if I don’t write because I’m lazy yet feel some sort of guilt/anxiety, then that’s a problem. Let’s see. Yesterday my boss corrected what I’ve…