Tiny Buddha


“Children are naturally confident. They ask and get what they want, or at least they try to…We are all naturally like that, but somewhere along the way, people started opposing our actions. For some of us that meant becoming shy, while for others it meant losing their natural self confidence.”

What triggers low confidence?

  • Me thinking other people thinking I’m stupid
  • Other more attractive, outgoing, lively women
  • Attractive men

When it’s present, how do I feel? What’s my strategy?

  • When I think other people think I’m stupid, I feel stupid. My strategy is to break down the events and look for my faults. Then I become really insecure about what I’ve said or done
  • I feel less attractive, outgoing, and lively. I compare myself to the woman. My strategy is to escape or get quiet
  • I feel low, I’ll never be with someone I’m really attracted to because they’ll never be attracted to me
  • I act really awkward

“Your strategy may have been put in place by a younger you. It may have been there to protect you from something that is no longer there.”

How would I be without these thoughts/strategies? What would it look like not feeling bad?

“You are already aware at some level how naturally confident you are. When you remove the negative thoughts, strategies, and beliefs, you become your ideal self.”

I enjoyed this article. Last night, I was trying to hard to be liked by Isaac, which, probably did the opposite effect. I felt a fight or flight sensation wash over me. Fight, and stay and muster through the awkwardness, or flight and leave that feeling. When I take flight, I end up in front of the fridge. Next time, I am fighting. This article talks about layers we lay on top of us to protect us from dangers. My biggest fear, it seems like after writing about all of this, is being disliked. That’s why I’m questioning what I just sent to the analysis guy, that’s why I left Z-mans in a rush last night, that’s why I feel awkward around Pip.

What would my life look like without these thoughts that make me feel bad and without the strategies I’ve used? What if, I really just stopped caring? I thought that last night at Isaacs, but I couldn’t stop caring. I don’t think I’m ready to. I’ve had moments where these thoughts didn’t happen and I felt my greatest and most true.

Could that ever be a constant state?

My strategy, when I’m in these negative whirlpools will be to imagine giving myself a flower. I chose the featured image to represent what’s going on inside my head. Authorities take over and control my thinking, manufacturing negative thoughts that beat me down. I’ll imagine myself getting a flower, breaking the tension, and focusing on what’s real. This beautiful flower. I would say it represents life, but no it died for the symbolism. RIP flower.




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