Damn… yeah, I binged last night. Funny thing is My Fitness Pal has a “binge” category (made by users). I picked the one that said “Fatass – 2000 calories”. Something was different about last nights binge and waking up this morning. The difference is I’m not upset at all. I binged, it happened, it is what it is.
As I was laying in the middle of my bed snacking, I felt complete… I was watching The Flash and I knew it was past my bedtime which would trigger the binge…but I did it anyways. You know, in a relationship I’d be in the same exact spot, watching an addicting show, eating the same amount but would feel more shamed. That’s what made the difference. I wasn’t ashamed because there isn’t anyone I’m trying to please, not anymore.
I’ve reset my bedroom again. I’ve moved things around and now have a hammock to the left of my bed. It’s a pretty nice set up and I know no one is going to be here for a while, nor will anyone be on my bed, next to me, and touching me in ways I use to want so badly. So, for now, it’s all about me and what I want. I wanted to snack, so I did. I don’t want a naked boy in my bed so there won’t be. I want to lose more weight, and I will, despite these what might seem like setbacks. I want to finish the music site and I will. I will find something that makes me just as high and happy as food does. For now, since I haven’t found it yet, it makes sense that I binge.
I give myself credit for Saturday night, where, I wanted so badly to overeat, but I just went to bed instead.Last night, I was feeling guilty for various reasons. Instead of writing about it, I decided to eat – next time I’ll for certain write.
Today – I’m going to work hard again, to knock out a good chunk of work so that the end of the week will be light again.
Reminders to Avoid Overeating:
- Write when guilt rises instead of eat
- Eat properly
- Exercise is never punishment
- Give yourself a Tulip
- Must sleep when tired or accept responsibility of not binging if you are going to stay awake
- Other’s opinions, thoughts, & behaviours don’t have to affect you
- Drink more water