Yesterday I didn’t write at all – which is a good sign because I was able to handle the stresses my thoughts caused myself. But – I must be careful, if I don’t write because I’m lazy yet feel some sort of guilt/anxiety, then that’s a problem.
Let’s see. Yesterday my boss corrected what I’ve been doing. He saw it as laziness (if I read between the lines correctly). I did my best to be honest and showed him some evidence of my genuine efforts. The call ended well, on my end at least. I still have my job. Yesterday Barbara also said she felt I was being distant. I said I was sorry, lots was on my mind. She didn’t dig, which was good. Maybe I won’t be distant once I’ve grown a bit more and not telling her the truth will help in the future if I do change. We’re talking more which is nice, and I’m not going to be overly pleasing either, because I’m ok when we weren’t talking much. When I wasn’t talking to anyone I was ok – bored – but ok. And I realize how much not having someone to talk to at work affected me. It shouldn’t have, so I started to focus more on actual work and doing well. I want to be communicated with – if not socially (and not fake) than over how I can improve work.
Also, my roommates did go watch Dr. Strange without inviting me. I did tell them I was going to be home, but they would have waited on each other if one was missing. I guess I don’t know. Things are different. Lorence said our other roommate suggested just them two go when the third wasn’t here. This is definitely a Tulip moment, where I don’t speculate too much, don’t let it affect me, and carry on…
Oh yeah, Trump won last night. My thoughts on that…ready for a big what if?
Everyone (I know) doesn’t like him. Maybe he is going through an internal change as well, but showcase a different side of him. My optimistic view thinks he will do much better than we think. He has the opportunity to be one of greatest presidents because right now he has the love of conservatives. Democrats are an open minded bunch, so if he speak to both and unite them somehow – that would bring a lot of unity and growth. I am also much more open minded because I didn’t follow the debates…I’m very un-American. I’m the kind that is indifferent until shit hits the fan and I hope to be the guy in the fore front at that point..maybe not. I don’t know, I’m a shitty person remember?
I haven’t been giving a lot of eyes to guys lately. I feel, it’s helping me keep my expectation at a minimum. Sometimes I get big headed and think I’m getting more attention than I actually am and start fantasizing, then get disappointed when it doesn’t become reality. Now, I still want to have a fantastical imagination, but I don’t want to get lost in it. I want to translate it into some form of art instead, music or poetry. But anyways, between you and me, there are two fellas that I think are quite handsome at the gym. One is a fitness trainer, he is of latino descent, he’s a little taller than me, a boyish cute face. The downside is, I don’t think he’s a smart as I’d like, Charlotte has eyes for him, and I don’t know how he would help me grow. The other guy, he’s much older. He has to be late 30’s. I’m sure he’s taken or is fresh out of a relationship causing him to hit the gym. He’s at an admirable height, mixed with black, very athletic stature, and he’s older. The downside is he’s older… and he’s probably taken. And these two guys are pretty fit, I’m still jello all around and am insecure so nothing is going to happen here anyways.
One thing I’ve thought of at the gym as well, well two things:
- I was going to text WHF and say something smart about the election…I was committed to doing it because I imagined him happy that I messaged him. Instead, I gave it time. And I’m glad because I have to remember that between Anna and Conner in ‘He’s Not that Into You’, I Conner.
- I might kick start my other blog I’ve been waiting to start. I haven’t decided how I wanted to treat it, if I’ll retire this one and keep that one with strictly Life Guidance posts so that I can publicize it more. I don’t know yet.
Anyways, have a good one wherever you are.