140.2

I’m dancing around the 40s number. Lowest I hit was 137 but I felt really weak. I wonder if I will be under that number, ever. My knee is starting to ache, my running days must be numbered. 

Today is Saturday, Pip and Florence are off to home with the goal of getting Pip a new (old) car. I’m in bed stealing more warmth till I push myself out into the cold. My pups are snoozing. 

I plan to exercise, work, look into the music site, and maybe go visit my neice tonight. 

I’m entering the ‘wish someone was here’ bug. Specifically WHF. He has too much of my time and my imagination. But, he doesn’t know it, so I guess its not that embarrassing. I keep thinking of texts to send to him. But, lack of any attention and efforts from guys recently have discouraged me to make any moves. Which is good bc I can focus on other things. 

In a relationship with WHF:

  1. I’d worry about how he’s acting around friends
  2. I’d be mad about something he didn’t do
  3. I wouldn’t make fitness a priority
  4. I’d eat way too much
  5. He’d never want to visit my family
  6. I have to sacrfice a lot to be with him 

Single from WHF:

  1. Not perpetually waiting for his text 
  2. No anxiety over how he’s feeling 
  3. Not binge eating because of insecurities
  4. I’m open to other more healthy relationships 

Away from him is best but is also why he’s appealing. I miss the cuddles and kisses. The intense connection that comes with letting someone you love inside. 
Not just anyone. I’ve learn to appreciate the intimacy. With Luke, my heart wasn’t on fire as we lounged in bed in the mornings. It was always go go go. This time around, I’m going to be gentle and appreciative of the mornings. 

I really miss it. And I’m afraid my person isn’t going to make his way to me. I really have to prepare for a single lifetime. I don’t see people, ever, spending most my time in my room. I’m terrible at flirting and am insecure. 

I didn’t mean for this post to be this type of post but it shows what I’ve been thinking about… One day it’ll be on something more fruitful. 

Blah.

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