Seriously considering this…for depressing reasons. Here are the shameful desires:
- Physical contact
- it’s been so long since I’ve touched another in more ways than a brush on the shoulder or a sideways hug. I want the embrace, even if they’re trying to twist my joints into submission
- This is his life. He’s talked about it, bragged about it, tried getting me to go, and I can see it does him wonders. The shameful idea is that this could possibly bring me closer to him. Is that wrong or crazy to want?
- I lack a place where I belong. I have friends, but only one or two where I feel known. This could provide the comradery I’m missing, especially since I don’t get it with work.
Not so shameful:
- This would kick up my strength and flexibility game
- As a runner, this type of training would be good. It may help me reach my goal weight
We’ll see about it. I don’t want to rush into it and have it burn quick. I want to really think it through first as to not do it for the wrong reasons.
If and when I get started, I’m not going to reach out to him. I don’t want to impede in his life with ju jitsu or take away from his experience with it. I’ll do my own thing, I’ll think of him, but I’ll do my own thing. If we cross paths again, then so be it. If I do this and gain a friend or two from it then it would have been worth it.