Tummy Sour & Twisting my Heart

That’s what I physically feel as my overthinking thoughts control my moments. I have been feeling this a lot recently, well, I guess all my life. I know it’s from anxiety, and I am really afraid of suffering from a psychotic break down when I’m older, when my life lays out exactly the way I don’t…

Feeling that Feeling

Who am I? I don’t know… I’m afraid, I never will. What are my thoughts? What are my beliefs? My opinions? I spend a lot of time listening to others. It’s what I do most of the time, instead of talking. I don’t have much to say, or if I do, I’m highly censored. The censorship keeps…

Home is Where the Heart is…

Where is your heart if you don’t desire to go home as I? I learned something this holiday break. My routine was broken when Karen, Kristina, and Jake went home. I felt… really lonely. Now that they’re home, the duplex seems alive again… It’s the strangest thing. This weekend has been filled with old sad…

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Woe is me, woe woe is me. I’m lonely on this Monday. T’was feeling so yesterday as well. I binged binged binged till I couldn’t fit anything else in. Leighann came over, though, to warm up my cold home for a bit. Bleh.. I should have gone over to her place for games instead of…

Merry Christmas *<<=

I’m on the living room couch with Chester and Cheeto, Merry Christmas from our family to yours! When I woke, the lonely ache barely touched me. I feel it most strong when I imagine Billy happy with his girlfriend this Christmas BUT  I digress. I mustn’t think about topics that make my heart hurt. Society…

Merry Christmas Eve!

I am the very last minute shopper. I went to the mall around noon and just got back… that’s four hours of meandering guided by a desire to purchase well thought out gifts. I wanted to give who ever receives my gifts a little sparkle of energy. I thought I spent a lot but it looks…

Anxiety & The Silver Lining

I feel my anxiety talking. She’s taking things personal when she shouldn’t be. Why do I get offended if Erin isn’t responsive to my messages? Or Hannah isn’t? I do onto others a waiting period for my responses, so why do I get so hurt when others make me wait? Or doesn’t respond the way…

Day 18

I want to start dancing. I realize I miss the thrill of performance. I’ve never been a professional anything on stage, but the little time I’ve had in front of any audience have been exhilarating. Monday, I am going to a dance course. It seems like it won’t be my crowd, but I’m going as…

Day 17

Today was a B day. I was productive with Alex’s site but my Big did do all my work today. I’m typing on my phone in bed so I don’t feel like typing too much. I worked with her most of the day. Oh, Victor got me a Starbucks gift card..that was really sweet of…

Day 16

You ever have days where you feel down? They start off as thoughts that don’t make me feel good, then it snow balls from there.  Wherever you go, there you are. I’ve been on the up, and now second guessing myself is dragging me down. I wonder if its something I can stop of I…

Day 15 ~

I don’t know what to title today… I’m sitting at our dining room table. I spent 90% of today staring at this computer screen. 30% dilly dallying, 35% on the wordpress site, and 35% on work. My eyes are strained and my head hurts. I started munching because of the challenge of wordpress. I couldn’t…

Day 14 ~ Shooting Star

I had a moment of realization yesterday that felt like a shooting star. It was beautiful and most impactful but, the moment didn’t last. It’s up to me to keep its memories alive. Like an artist’s first spark before starting a song, that spark must be preserved by the artist somehow to finish the song…