This I Know Is True ~ Drunk.

He broke my heart in two… but he did so years and years ago.

No words were exchanged when we were through

I can’t remember what exactly happened.

This much I know is true.

My heart was completely his.

This much I know is true.

He broke me into two.

Not just he, Billy.

But my father as well.

This much I know is true.

Lightning never strikes in two places at once.

This much I know is true.

There will be a spark again. Brighter. With someone new.

Reason never account for why it does what it does

we can only see the aftermath

in my aftermath

i see me with all smiles

a man that lights my heart up

brighter than even the fourth of july can conjure up

perhaps I dream of a man so fulfilling as equal to the damage Billy brought me.

Because only then would it feel it was all worth it.

This much I know is true.

I will wake up hungover in the morning

only seeing pictures of her and you

wondering where I went wrong

or where you mistakenly thought I was right all along.

In my deepest desires, I hope she is immature and is unable to understand you the way that I can

you socially anxious being you.

In my deepest desires, I hope you wake to miss me so damagingly so that it drives you to do embarrassingly things.

This much I know is true…

I’m embarrassing myself, but I know it will heal.

and you…

who are you again?

Dear Morning Vien,

It’s going to hurt. You’re going to think of him and her together. Him embracing her, and her holding on for dear life as I did and as she should for being in love with a man like him. She appears young and niave. Run. RUN RUN. While your heart has yet to tangle. Don’t give in to his charms. He will only break you in two after deceiving you of some sort of mystery and illusion of a payoff. He will NOT MAKE YOU CUM. He will not text you first thing in the morning, he will not think you’re endearing or will ask you questions about your day. This man, he’s a monster. He is selfish, he is insecure, and he is not your man. He is no ones man. He belongs to the desert to be left dry and sacrificed to natural selection. There is no love living in there.

Let him go.

He is not life. He is not happiness. You are life. You are happiness. He was the bloodsucker that demanded your veins and you were too ill equipped (thanks to daddy issues) to block him off.

He caught me on my weak days. I am extremely insecure and his sprinkles of attention alleviated some of that anxiety. Until it was no longer there and I realized a remedy was just smoke in the mirror. He is half man half child. He can’t own his feelings or express them well. Sadly… I’m more of a man than he can ever be. And that’s speaking from the bottom of my fucking heart. I never depended on him for shit. Car? No he doesn’t know… cooking? He likes only his mom’s cooking (fucking momma’s boy), friends (he hides and manipulates shit), he spent the entire dinner with Brenell and Dan saying NOT A SINGLE DAMN THING.

Not a single damn thing. I at least try. Fuck Billy.

Vien – choose to be happy. 110% of my heart knows that if I and Billy did end up together, I would be so fucking miserable and empty and lonely. He, nor Kevin, helped me fix that hole in me. Only I can fix that hole in me.

Go on with your little thing… you never made me orgasm, and it was never my fault… you just never had the motion of the ocean or the consideration to try. You took your shortcomings as innate and a lame excuse as to why you don’t try harder. Lame excuse for a gentleman.

Dear morning Vien –

Remember that I love you, and there is no where left to go but up. You have admirable endurance, laid back nature, and a good soul. I love you.

 

 

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