The suffering was less than what I feared. I made good efforts to remain in the moment. To be there for the friends that came and to listen and show my love with time.
I thought of Billy as I feared. Sometimes I feel like a loser with no guy friends. Most of all my girlfriends are single. They will hate that I said this but at least we are all losing together. And in that we are winning because of the relationships we are creating the foundation for. When my electron finds me, he’ll fit right in. I’ll love him just as much as I love the people in my life right now. Those who I can love and loves me back have the important role of keeping me warm while he’s on his way. When that collision happens, I’ll double the love. Hell, triple even. From myself, friends & family, and my electron.
I’m going to make that my reality as much as Mia strongly knows she’ll buy herself a range rover, I’m filling up my life to the brim.
Billy isn’t going to get to be a part of the fulfilling life he helped created. I miss him everyday… But, I’m going to be okay.
I’m off to meet Erin at the gym.