Merry Christmas *<<=

I’m on the living room couch with Chester and Cheeto, Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

When I woke, the lonely ache barely touched me. I feel it most strong when I imagine Billy happy with his girlfriend this Christmas BUT  I digress. I mustn’t think about topics that make my heart hurt. Society tells me I should be with friends and family, opening presents, and such. But, I’m not, and that’s okay.

Leighann did text me last night asking of my plans today. I responded that I had nothing. She didn’t respond after that. I imagined her inviting to her family Christmas, I use to go many Christmas’s before. Each time, the chance of seeing her brother was enticing. To give you a little background, her brother was my first real crush. Even before the infamous Billy.

You know… I really don’t feel like talking about it because I don’t want to make it anything important.

Roots is on the television. One of my favorite series. There’s so much to analyze in this story. Perhaps I will once I dive deeper beyond the surface as Victor suggests.

The rest of the day, I will wrap my remaining gifts. Last night my gift wrapping was a hit. Time at Cong’s was pleasant over all. Cong liked his drone, Ashly really liked the cat poster. I think Sue and Kurt will enjoy the dinner and movie date cards. She, coincidentally, brought up wanting to watch Sing! so that was appropriate. My dad, I’m sure he’ll enjoy the cash gift. Everyone liked the books I got Lily so that was nice. In return, I got a really nice and cozy throw blanket from Ashly. I can’t get enough of these blankets. She gave me some pictures of Lily, one in a frame that is adorable and sitting on my desk. Sue and Kurt gave me a nice Christmas mug with hot cocoa.

I got Victor a little book called “Learn Something Everyday”. I don’t’ know if he’ll like it but I thought it was appropriate since he’s always teaching me something, about life. Lola got a Hello Kitty watch and a drawing book that piqued my interest. Twin got a little lab makeup bag she liked when we shopped, and a racer jacket. I don’t know if she’ll like the color. It’s dark green. There weren’t other colors that was medium, and those that were perfect in color had cheesy copy on it. Free is always good anyways. Jake got a pretty funny shirt. It’s a sloth with it’s arms crossed like Wolverine, it’s claws the wolverine claws. Angie gets a wine deck of cards with quick interesting facts, I want to get her another item but uncertain of what just yet.

I invited Leighann to come over if she gets bored later. I don’t know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. Like if I stayed on the couch watching Roots all day alone, I think I’ll feel lonely. I started munching on popcorn Kevin sent the duplex and I keep thinking about food. Food ain’t gonna hold you, Vien!

Ok.. I will:

  1. Make lunch
  2. Log fitness foods
  3. Wrap gifts
  4. Bust out Alex’s site

I think much of my anxiety is based on the fact that I’m not doing anything to propel myself into the future I want. I’m not spending time with others, I’m not working on my hobbies. What I am doing though, is spending time with myself. ❤

If you don’t enjoy your present moment, no one else is going to either.


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