Tummy Sour & Twisting my Heart

That’s what I physically feel as my overthinking thoughts control my moments. I have been feeling this a lot recently, well, I guess all my life. I know it’s from anxiety, and I am really afraid of suffering from a psychotic break down when I’m older, when my life lays out exactly the way I don’t want it to.

I’ve been thinking a lot, just way too much. Mostly…honestly…completely all absorbed by relationships. I don’t know why that’s my obsession and will be the death of me. I am obsessed with being a good friend – and I know I am not a good friend. I’m obsessed with others responses and what they might mean. Perhaps a remote job is toxic for that. I can’t run from it, I have to face it. Where would I go if I ran? What do I do if I stayed? What does facing it even mean? I wish it was a contraction I could just grit my teeth till it’s over but, it’s never going to be over.

Is the answer really therapy? I need help figuring it all out I guess, but even then, that’s a relationship with a therapist that I will obsess over as well.

I really hope that I am not alone in the way I feel…

 

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