Still Groovy

Ello,

It’s mid-afternoon on a Thursday and I am free from work. I started real early today – 4 am! Only because I couldn’t get back to sleep. This is a great perk about my job, I can start when I want to.

It was a bit hectic today as the company rolled out a new automated system for email campaign writing. Basically, the job I was hired on for is now 95% automated. Don’t worry, though, I’ve moved on to more creative tasks.

I now design email templates, using Photoshop and Illustrator & I write content for the automated system to use. I get to stretch my creative side as far as I want to. I love this job. I love my curious nature as it drives me to learn, which gives me knowledge, and knowledge brings value to your company and other companies, should I ever leave.

One thing I do want to work on my ability to handle stress – usually stress comes about when I feel incompetent. Although I wasn’t a big player dealing with this roll out – I am on the team that will handle it. I was quite lost and felt self-pressure. I recognized it, though, and I tackled questions I had right off the bat. Having two calls with two peers to clear questions I had. That made the day so much better as I wasn’t wasting time worrying about what I don’t know.

The gem here is: Tackle questions as reasonably quickly as you can. No matter how big or small the question is, you will feel loads better getting answers now than later when that little pebble of a question turns into a boulder. The content team that I work on is very supportive in this aspect. I voiced my embarrassment for not knowing the answer to one of my silly questions and my peers were quick to sooth my insecurity.

Professionally, for the first time ever, I feel like I’m where I’m suppose to be and am heading in the right direction.

That is incredibly huge as this time last year I was completely lost and miserable. I’ve always felt lost career wise, up until now. So perhaps, I was never lost, I was just exploring and packing on experience. No feeling is final my friend. Which means – this sense of belonging – I may lose it tomorrow. But, at least I know the journey isn’t linear, but it does go up in tiny increments. Not because of pure luck, some of it is because of who I am. I won’t let myself be defeated by anything internally or externally.

Now – work is out of the way. I am meeting with Erin to work out in a couple hours and to have Pho for dinner. I feel terrible because I haven’t let Chester and Cheeto out to the dog park recently but it’s been so cold. I won’t lie, a bit of it is laziness as well. But, by summer time, I’ll have Chester leash trained so he and I will go on long distance runs. He doesn’t know what treat is in order for him. Cheeto on the other hand is an old fellow, he’ll be just fine with dog park trips.

I’m just sitting on the coach now. When I realize I would be done by noon, I hit a roadblock. What do I do with my free time? I am such a dreamer, I think of all the things I want to do:

  1. Learn more chords on the guitar
  2. Write songs
  3. Create a Youtube channel for original music
  4. Work on BloomingX.com
  5. Volunteer

And more I bet – but, getting started is the hardest part. Once the desired ability is acquired, then it becomes fun. Getting started is not fun. When a child learns to walk, the crawling and constant tipping over may be painful but she hasn’t learned the mental pain of failure yet. She just keeps getting up because she knows it gets her where she wants to go faster. Now, if I could just use this mindset in exploring my hobbies, that would be great. Plus, her parents are most likely encouraging her and telling her she can do it, whereas when you’re older, roadblocks seem daunting because your inner critic speaks up. Now, if you train your inner critic to love you as much as your parents back then, then who knows what all you can do. And if your parents weren’t that supportive, well, don’t take it personal. Find others who you can role model yourself after and listen to people who are voices of encouragement. It doesn’t have to come from your parents. If that were the case, there would be no Oprah. There is no difference between you and the next guy, if he can do it, you may very well be able to too. The difference is, the guy who is there already heard all the right things before you could. He also probably trained his voice to be the sound of kindness rather the sounds of limitations.

Anyways ~ I know I’ll get there. Not because I merely wish it, but because a pattern in my life has been up and down but I always land on my feet. I might not hit all of those goals up there, but if I could at least dive deeply into one, then my life is complete.

 

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