23rd of January, Year 2017

I am more aware of my weaknesses in terms of work. To operate without stress, I need guidelines and processes in place. I can look at it differently. Perhaps my inability to operate without one can be a motivator for putting in place one. Everyone needs direction, it’s the reason I left 40Digits. I didn’t have the right mindset to be in a position where I create these guidelines and steps. I am lost without it.

Being on the content department is challenging because there is no process in place for the brainstorming team I am in. I walk in the shadows of Tom instead of charging forward with my own mental capabilities. It’s not a bad thing, I have to remind myself. It’s a learning process for sure.

What I want to do is to create a process for this brainstorming team. I will outline one. My weakness is believing in my ideas. I feel as if they will be thought of as not good enough. I cannot let this fear stop me from charging forward. The worst thing I can be is inactive, the best thing I can do is take action. No matter the outcome, as long as I put deliberate thinking into my projects, I won’t feel badly about myself.

On to the next topic of discussion – balancing fitness goals, social life, and work.

Today it was apparent that my fitness was getting in the way of work and my social life. I woke late and went to the gym, not starting work until ten. Tonight I planned to do BJJ at 6:30. I got an invite from Erin to go watch The Bachelor and munch out, I got Angie asking the crew if we wanted to have dinner tonight, and then my brother asked me to come over for dinner… whoa, I realized, all three things had food and munching out in the mix… that is a HUGE trigger for my bad habits…

Anyways, I feel like my fitness is making me prioritize badly. Perhaps it’s time management that is screwing me up. Had I woke at the time I planned to, I would have started work early – which meant I wouldn’t be overwhelmed with not finishing things. If I didn’t double book myself for two exercise sessions (morning and BJJ) I would have time to go to my brothers or Erins. But if I went with Erin I would have had to say no to my brother. Ok…

It seems to me that we can’t please everyone. Even myself! Man, I wish I had a couch. A couch for fitness, social life, and work life. Some direction on what I should do to feel ok with my decisions about fitness, and some direction with work. More people don’t have guidance than do, so I’m not a victim. Just wishful thinking is all.

Mind dump time…what do I want?

  • I want to have a good social life – where I feel like I’m not continually missing out on get togethers.
  • I want to start and stop work on proper time
  • I want to have a good balance of classes and fitness activities that I’m doing
  • It appears that I WANT EVERYTHING
    • music
    • ju jitsu
    • running
    • yoga
    • good at my job
  • I guess it’s better to be reaching for all of these than nothing at all, although, reducing it would probably be better for me

There’s not a lot of time in the day for everything it seems… Perhaps I’ll read up on time management or listen to a podcast on my way to Ju Jitsu.

Time Management:

  1. List out my core values
  2. Learn to say no: “When we say no to one thing, in effect we’re also saying yes to something else.”

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