Is This My Life?

Hello darkness, my old friend…

Yesterday everything was great until my roommates came home. One of them gives me anxiety because of her personality changes from me and her sister and best friend. With me, I feel she isn’t her true self, while she teases her best friend and sister. I can’t be myself because I’m afraid she will judge me as she teases them. It feels silly to write out, but it’s true. Then, she told a story about her sister having major PMS and teased her about it — which I have. And then said that when she (her sister) came home to her crackers being eaten up, she got really really mad. I was the one that finished off her crackers. To be fair, there were crumbs left, but to be fair again, I shouldn’t be eating others stuff.

But that all triggered a binge session. I felt so lost inside my head, so hopeless, so ashamed, and I was obsessively ruminating.

I feel so not normal. I constantly think of my don’ts, of my inability to hold any conversations lately, and I don’t know what to do.

Vitamins help, but to an extent. Ruminating is one of my bigger problems. It’s what keeps me from living my life. So I want to tackle that. My do’s:

  1. Continue mindfulness (to refrain from ruminating)
  2. Continue meditation (this is seriously my last resort almost)
  3. Exercise! (release them dopamine & serotonin)
  4. Continue vitamins

Now — will I ever cure myself of binge eating?

HELL FUCKING YES.

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