Vegas was absolutely….over the top.
The bosses went above and beyond for us. Put us in the Wynn hotel, rented a suite at the Palms for Friday night mingling, rented party buses, rented spots at the pool, paid for us to go to shows…it was immaculate and oh so tempting to get attached to. I will dearly miss the treatment when it’s all said and done but I hope to be in an even better place work and life wise when that does happen!
Ok… so to talk about the trip. Of course, I’ll talk about the guys… I won’t name names… but guy 1 (whom I did have a fling with on the last trip) took me aside Friday night to tell me I was looking great (since last time) and wanted to know if I wanted to continue what he started last time. Long story short I told him no… Funny story here… I believe he got complaints from two other coworkers for harassment… he was saying inappropriate things to them and we saw him going back to his hotel room with a pretty busy woman… I dodged a bullet there.
Guy 2 — he is a jolly cute kid, which I don’t think he would like that I described him as such… but we talked and it got deep mainly on his end. I have pretty intense conversations with guys who are sensitive. But Saturday night at the club we were talking and I don’t know how this came up but he said I was hot and I think I said he was cute… we hung out the rest of the night. He tapped out around 5am or so…I told him I didn’t want him to leave and he invited me to his room to cuddle..and I turned him down…
Guy 3 — this one was out of the blue…he is in a management position. I’ve always had an attraction towards him but know that he is in a long term relationship. He pulled me aside Saturday night, but I told him we should sit and talk with the others but he declined. He then said he wanted to take me to dinner and I said, we all had dinner yesterday (with the company). I was playing dumb because I would not think he would mean just us two. Well, he then said, “no, I want to take you to dinner with just us two”. He was completely and wildly drunk when he said this. Then he said I was beautiful, gorgeous, blah blah. I said that’s strange because he has a girlfriend. And we got onto that topic. He said he brought her to the first outing but not the following because, from what I gathered, she was inhibiting him from socializing… I think she was inhibiting him from being a player… that’s why. It was flattering at first but now that I’m writing about it, that’s dirty. Keep your ding in your pants if you have a woman. I would not want to be on the receiving end of that, if I were her, I’d be heartbroken knowing he did this. But he was crazy drunk..and I do things when I’m drunk too. Alas, a good friend (coworker) came and pulled him away so that’s good. I don’t’ remember who it was though.
Guy 4 — ok.. I messed around with him, so I’ll say that first and foremost. Not all the way and I was completely clothed. The day after, I felt really slutty but I came to the conclusion of this is my life, this is my body, I am single, I’m not actually having sex with these guys, I’m flirty and sexual but, again, not doing anything. Even if I did have sex with them, it’s my prerogative as long as I’m safe about it. The thing is, if I did, I would be a mess emotionally and that’s why I don’t. Anyways… he came out of the blue too. Didn’t know he was attracted to me until he focused a lot of his attention on me when the group dwindled down to a few of us. Long story short, we talked for a bit, cuddled, kissed, I did things to him, he tried to to me but I turned him down. I don’t know where I stand on this one….I did tell him what happened with me and Guy 1 on the first trip.
So..as you can see, I talked to a few guys and got serious with one. I don’t intend to mess around anymore with anyone new because that would be just too much for me. I’m not disappointed in who I ended up with at all and am excited to see him again. Except… I don’t know. Next time I’m going to be even more honest with him. I don’t undress or get really really intimate because I am still insecure about my body. I’m insecure about my breasts that I think hang too low. I’m insecure about my arms. I know a lot of it is in my head but it’s attached to my emotions so that’s why I don’t let them cross the line. Also – I’m insecure about their intentions. I’ve gotten into shape and that’s what’s making them attracted to me, but, I haven’t heard too much about their attraction to my mind.. I think that’s what I’m looking for. The body will grow old and wrinkle, but the mind lasts for a lot longer and I need that attraction to the mind. But then, am I truly attracted to any of their minds?
Hmm.. Everything I fear about what they’ll do to me is what I actually do to them. I’m not innocent. I can’t say that I’m attracted to any one’s mind’s really…I don’t’ know them enough. So how can I expect the same from them to me? Is the body the gate to the mind or the mind the gate to the body?