Yesterday was a challenge not binging. I watched a few videos of people addressing binge eating and here are some helpful tips that I am starting:
- Get educated:
- Insulin – sugar hormone
- Leptin – affected by sugar, gets broken by it
- Ghrelin – hunger hormone
- Peptide YY – hunger hormone
- Cortisol – stress hormone
- Protein in the morning to balance blood sugar levels
- Good protein and good quality fats throughout the day (avocado, coconut, chicken, fish, grass fed meat)
- Supplements – I’m taking most of what the doctor suggested except for Fiber PGX. I must take it 10 minutes before eating dinner. I think adding fiber will be good to my diet.
- Stress – sleep is important in reducing stress. When you fight sleep your hunger rises and fullness goes down
The tips above encouraged me to have eggs this morning, also, it encouraged me to watch my Korean Drama outside of the bedroom because I know watching it in bed would make me continue the episodes. Last night, I watched an episode and a half, stopped and went to bed at midnight. I slept with ear buds on and made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth.
- Mental Break – give yourself a break from the ‘I want to lose weight’ mentality
- Don’t rush weight loss
- Avoid trigger food – chips
- Abundance of whole foods
- Put self around others
- Set goals
- Replace action (game, walks, Korean Dramas 😉 )
- Workout for the enjoyment
- Eat more
The bolded are the most challenging points. Weight has been at the forefront of my mind since High School age. But, for the life I want to live, it can’t be anymore. The present moment is what I want at the forefront of my mind, for the rest of my life. The present moment is what will bring me peace, through comfort & discomfort, through joy & pain. The tips above encouraged me to go swimming at 8:30pm last night, the “workout for the enjoyment” encouraged me to stop after 30 minutes once I felt I had my fill. It also encouraged me to eat more meat & to have a bowl of cereal past dinner time.
I hate that I binge, but, after binges are when some things about my life and my actions come to light. During my swim yesterday, I felt really motivated to think about my life, and think about what it is that I want. I had a tough time growing up, dealing with fat jokes when I was with Vietnamese friends, and family. I didn’t know how to cope with it, I didn’t have it in me to brush it off. My parents didn’t defend me, neither did my siblings. I was led to believe in those comments and led into hating my appearance. Being thin meant that I could be left alone. I use to hangout in the bathrooms at temple to avoid nasty comments and jokes. But I was alone in that experience, I had no one to confide in. My weight was my enemy, but food was my friend. Thinness was the goal because being perfect protected me from hurtful comments of others, comments I wasn’t strong enough to not believe in.
Today, I live with a very unhealthy relationship with food. I am out of the house, I’m independent, I’ve gotten into great shape, not perfect, but my endurance and strength is good. But the unhealthy relationship I have with food & my dissatisfaction with my appearance holds me back from becoming the woman I want to be.
Perfection is a source of protection. My type of perfection, though, is outlined by what I think others want. It’s not my idea of perfection. I am killing myself to mold myself into the silhouette of someone else’s creation.
During my swim, a question that popped out of my pondering was, what is it that I am so unhappy about that I lack? What is it that food is helping me cope with? I’m at a place in life where I feel I am in control of my destiny. That brings me peace. So, why do I binge? I think binging sneaks its way into little openings where I am a bit vulnerable to judging myself mixed with the very strong pull of habitual action. I think I am getting closer to freedom as it’s habit that I must break, rather than emotions I must decipher.
This is what I want in my life.
- A loving husband in which I am whole heartedly connected to
- My own family in which love is unconditional, support is endless, and communication is effortless
- I have a great relationship with food – I use my senses to judge whether or not I need to eat more. I am free from the binging shackles
- I use sport as release and a source of having fun
- I am master of living in the moment – this creates enjoyment in work and in social relations
I never thought I was good enough to get what I want out of life. I thought being perfect, thin, smart, accomplished was the only way I would get what I want out of life. I am changing that thought now. Although, I want to be fit, smart, and motivated, the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is to be present and see where my present and mindful self takes me. I truly think, my present and mindful self is the key to getting what I want out of life. If I don’t get number 1 or 2, I am content with the rest on the list too.