Hello Diary, My Old Friend

I’m here to speak with you again….

What Went Well Yesterday:

  • I volunteered to design a newsletter for TAG slog & it turned out pleasant
  • New work at work gives me excitement, makes me realize I don’t like repetitive work
  • Went to no gi BJJ training for the first time and it was fun, I’m absolutely loving BJJ
  • Returned the pet harness with no hassle today
  • Got groceries and a better fitted harness for Chester
  • Went on a pleasant date – even though it’s not going to lead anywhere, I’m glad I experienced it
  • I put myself to bed with a bowl of cereal in light of my recent discovery about carbs and sleep

What I’ll Work on Today

  • Be mindful throughout the day and check in with myself
  • Be present while eating and not multi-task
  • Be more present during work and try harder on my tasks

Binge Eating Recovery:

  • Connect my post binge self with my current self. The more time passes in between binging and not binging, it’s easy to forget the pain that binging causes. I’ll remind myself everyday of the morning after anguish – the “I fucked up” feeling that I never want to have again
  • Compare the strong pull to other strong pulls I’ve had in the past. As simple as having a cigarette while driving or a coffee in the morning. I don’t do any of those anymore, the initial pulls were hard to refrain from. Once I truly realized the negative effects, it wasn’t as hard quitting.
  • Continue to not eat after 7:30 unless it’s a bowl of cereal or carb item to put me to sleep. Yesterday I had carbs for dinner so I really didn’t need the bowl of cereal, but it was good and I didn’t keep going.
  • Prove to myself and Jackson that recovery is truly possible. He is losing hope and is getting frustrated. I am going to stop this habit to prove to him that we can beat this.
  • Fake it until you make it – be that person that eats intuitively or normally. Even when you feel like binging, pretend you’re not someone with binge eating. Instead, your the average person who gets stressed and gets cravings from time to time. But that normal person doesn’t turn to mouth hoarding food for comfort. That person just lets the stress pass, gets bored, takes naps, and finds something to occupy their time/mind instead.

My Date:

We met at Yogurtini near the plaza, and then we went to Loose Park to talk. It was strange diving into a date with someone I’ve met on the internet and barely talked to. He was good at conversing and made me laugh quite a bit – but there was no spark. I think both he and I felt the lack of spark. We parted ways with a “hope to see you around”.  I think that’s all I needed with online dating. It doesn’t feel like ‘me’. I’ll do my thing until Mr. Right shows up – I’m not going to go looking for him.

BJJ:

It’s becoming more and more welcoming, the more I come. Everyone that’s a regular has become dear to me – it’s pleasant to walk in and see familiar faces with the same motivations in this sport. I wore a loose shirt and loose pants. My shirt worked against me because it kept getting caught when my back was sliding on the mat.

There was so much sweat everywhere, but strangely, I didn’t care because I was sweating like a fountain too. I am going to try to make it everyday now and see where that takes me. Joey tells me he can tell I’m progressing quickly. Tonight is Gi night from 6:30 – 8.

 

 

 

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