There is one week that lies between my past and my future. Next week’s Sunday, I’ll be driving with my mom, my boxes, and my two dogs to Northern California to live with my big sister, my nephew, and my brother in law. The journey is the flip of the last page of this Chapter.
Next Chapter is a new adventure.
Currently, I am (and have been for the past 7 hours) laying in Chester’s bed inside my room that’s riddled with my stuff all over the floor. My bed is gone, so is my computer desk. I have been in my head the entire day. Crying, thinking, watching relate-able videos, planning, and being hopeless and hopeful.
I am happy to have come to a point in life where I am actually welcoming therapy. In fact, I think it’s an integral part of my binge eating recovery as well as my pursuit in building self esteem. I have been driving in a self sustaining vehicle for the past 15 or so years by internalizing my struggles, binging for release, and then researching ways to find personal growth. I’ve reached as far as I can go alone. I am at a a new point, where I need guidance and support outside of myself to, hopefully, open up the Chapter that follows the one I am about to crack open.
And that is what California is about.
In California, I aim to:
- Pursue personal growth and freedom through therapy
- Focus on improving my guitar and singing skills
- Planning for the next chapter
What the next chapter looks like (I know I’m reading way ahead) is hopefully travel. I want to reach a point in my life where I am living in the world. I want to travel with Chester to destinations currently unknown for perhaps 6 months to a year. Working remotely, witnessing the world, and writing music as I go.
After that travel, I aim to come home to Kansas City, purchase a place in downtown Kansas City, create a life here, and continue to live in the world.
This brings hope to my heart, as I lay naked, overly full from my two days of binging, in a messy room on Chester’s bed. The future is bright. The present is alright. And I am going to be okay.