Binge Eating And Me

The binge eating self lives a life of shame. She sneaks around in the night picking up morsels of meats and carbs she thinks no one will notice or miss. Her hands are sticky and smelly with foods she devoured within seconds – hot or cold – it didn’t matter. The binge eating self, like…

My Choice is to STOP

Last night I binge. Oh, I binged so good. I had half a bag of family sized ruffles, chicken, nuggets, fries, coke, food, food, and more food! I ate till I forgot about my stress of the day. And boy was I stressed. I have so much work to do and the music website has…

Death

I went to bed thinking about this alot. What would happen if I died? Who would mourn? What would be left unsaid? Death is so final, but at the same time, during episodes of intense sadness, it seems so freeing. No longer do I overthink relationships, no longer do I feel self-pity, no longer would…

Hurting

Last night was tough, this morning I feel a dense cloud lingering in my head. I binged till I felt like my stomach was near to tearing. I was and am so lonely. Actually, I feel it. I feel pathetic writing about it again, I wish instead I was writing about how my life is so fulfilling…

Tummy Sour & Twisting my Heart

That’s what I physically feel as my overthinking thoughts control my moments. I have been feeling this a lot recently, well, I guess all my life. I know it’s from anxiety, and I am really afraid of suffering from a psychotic break down when I’m older, when my life lays out exactly the way I don’t…

Home is Where the Heart is…

Where is your heart if you don’t desire to go home as I? I learned something this holiday break. My routine was broken when Karen, Kristina, and Jake went home. I felt… really lonely. Now that they’re home, the duplex seems alive again… It’s the strangest thing. This weekend has been filled with old sad…

Remember This…

I’m glad I kept messages so I know what happened and how I felt if I am ever forced to question my actions in the future, and my resolve to letting him go was also questioned. To be direct, if he ever tries to guilt me for breaking off communication… After he said no to…

Day 7 ~ Step Forward Disguised?

Yesterday was really hard, as is this morning. I think having my workload shoved to today instead of being tackled yesterday adds to the feelings of it being hard. All self created… the quote book I’m reading addresses this. To paraphrase, there are quotes that encourages you to act on your words, and happiness is…

Day 6 ~ Up & Down

I’ve taken myself to the gym between 5:30-7am everyday this week. I see a lot of progress with my body, but there is much left to do and there is much left to accept. I’ve returned a full length mirror to my room. I dance in front of it when I want, and look at…

Day 5 & The Pursuit of Happiness

I took myself out of bed at almost 6 am this morning. Normally it’s not a struggle but I slept pass my usual wake up time since I stayed up till past 1 a.m. doing things people in heartbreak recovery do. I made a break up playlist last night as well that I listened to…

Update ~ Impulse Change

I was encouraged to cut off all ties with Billy after reading a couple of online articles: Community Support & Fantasy & It’s Effect The first article came from women who repeated one advice ~ cut off all ties. Some helpful things they said: “You still love him because you have allowed yourself to continue the relationship…

Day 2

I went to the gym this morning. Yesterday, I weighed myself to be 136.2. That’s the lightest I have been since I can remember. I’m not stopping though, there’s no reason to. To live a purposeful life, I must be the best version of me possible. The best version of me is a fit and…