Next Chapter & Beyond

There is one week that lies between my past and my future. Next week’s Sunday, I’ll be driving with my mom, my boxes, and my two dogs to Northern California to live with my big sister, my nephew, and my brother in law. The journey is the flip of the last page of this Chapter….

Control

I binged again last night.  I’m releasing control today and beyond.  Control…. Control….. Control: the actions that one takes as a means to a desired end.  I sincerely believe that everything that happens has values. That’s a statement that mimicks ‘everything happens for a reason’, but doesn’t rely on fate or destiney.  In telling Erin…

Quick Updates

Some points of this post: Back to Free Eating The Secret is Out – Erin Knows The Need to be Perfect Binging as Unwinding Smile Direct Club My Default is Dirty Team Growth = Personal Growth PHP Learning Back to Free Eating: Last night I binged. Today, I realized I trailed off a bit from…

Negativity + Awareness + Humility = Growth 

Some days I love myself. I am confident, I feel beautiful inside and out, I feel like a good person overall. Some days, like today, I feel really down about myself. Like dominoes, one occurrence perceived as negative leads to another, until I am bashing my character and my intent at the end of the…

Lessons Learned from Yesterday’s Splurge

What went well yesterday: I was really productive at work and am doing a good job at managing my workload/time I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full I walked because I wanted to move and had nothing else I wanted to do I walked with pups in the morning I…

Not Doing Anything

Sitting silently situated on a couch I am defiantly doing nothing now I use to ache for action and excitement But now I yearn for peace & enlightenment I hear your purpose is slow to come Purpose is purposely different for everyone The world would be bland if we were all the same Yet ironically…

How to Stop Binge Eating Through Free Eating

This is a work in progress post. I’ve only written up to stage 2 which is the stage I am in. One day, I hope to complete the stages guided by my own up to date experiences. The final stage being complete recovery! Free eating is a style of eating that is my own version of…

Not a Binge

My support friend and I have been trying something different. We have been repeating to ourselves that no food is bad. I have been ordering and eating what I want, with the goal of stopping when I’m full. For one week now, I have not had a binge on this method. That doesn’t mean I…

Worry Wart 1

1. I will eat what’s there 2. No food is bad Tonight I can’t go to BJJ bc I have a cold sore. I don’t want it to burst and hurt.  My anxiety over weight gain is flaring up. 1. I’m at my brothers which is a trigger 2. I’m really hungry. 3. I can’t…

WENTI + Recovery Update

WENTI Walk in the morning Eat what’s there No food is bad Talk isn’t stary I am enough Walk in the Morning: Cheeto and Chester needs their exercises each day. Cheeto, especially needs his arthritic back legs to be exercised. I need to get my blood going first thing in the morning. I added in…

Recovery is Scary

Goal:  Heal relationship with food and live a life free from an eating disorder. Recovery Method: Eat when I want but really observe how I feel Eat what I want without labeling it good or bad Work towards being guilt free after eating what I want Exercise for the feeling rather than the calorie burn…

Day 2 Morning Tracking

I woke up this morning without feeling guilty, even though I snacked last night. I put my sports bra on and intended to run with Chester in an effort to maintain the same activity level as I had before – running in the morning and BJJ in the evening. I didn’t follow through though. The…