Daily Digest #3

My days have become gentle and routine. My dog is eyeing me, wagging his tail with every move I make. He’s gotten use to our daily dog park trips. My comforter is white, and it makes that crisp sound I love when I shuffle it. I have Spotify playing the Deep Focus channel. I’m in…

OMG

I just felt a huge pang of emotion… and following that are thoughts and feelings and reflections of my past wanton actions… and now I’m questioning my worth… But I don’t feel like binging, I feel like figuring out why I feel this way and how to correct it. Ok – the company hired new…

If Everyday Were Like Today… You’d Weigh 153 lbs.

Damn… yeah, I binged last night. Funny thing is My Fitness Pal has a “binge” category (made by users). I picked the one that said “Fatass – 2000 calories”. Something was different about last nights binge and waking up this morning. The difference is I’m not upset at all. I binged, it happened, it is…

Change of Strategy Recap

Negative talks – I’ll envision myself giving myself a tulip. A reminder to be kind to my and others. Don’t judge myself or others on their behavior. Other’s thoughts – Not judging others on their behavior ties into not being affected by what I think others are thinking or what they’ve said/done Binge eating – I’m treating these as…

Oops I Did it Again

I binged last night. I’m now at 141.5. I normally don’t track this but I want to know to see the full effects of binging. I’ve settled on something, binging isn’t my problem. It’s my flare gun. It happens when I’m not feeling right and really need a pick me up. It comforts me and…

I Have Nothing to Lose

I think I’m so cool just because I try a little harder than usual with work. Why am I so conceited? Before I beat myself up, remember, I’ve already admitted to being a shitty person at heart so, nothing you say can hurt me. I’m a shitty person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But, I’m changing. It’s scary because I…

Self Reflection

I read through my last post and realized I actually do need to do the self reflecting parts. Write out what is bugging me and challenge those thoughts. Negative Thoughts: I keep seeing 0 texts. 0 texts = 0 care? I get a sinking feeling when I don’t see any texts from people. I’ve tried…

Binge Again

4 lbs. gained in 3 days. 10/27 = 137 10/29 = 141 That’s how easy and quick it is to gain weight, especially with an eating ‘disorder’. It’s done, but here’s a mind dump of why and what I can do next. My theory (developed as I write): Every weekend, if I don’t have any…

Keep Writing

When things go well, I stop writing. So I stop reflecting, which means things will go wrong again. So this post is my effort to write even when I didn’t feel like it. To be honest, I wasn’t going to write until I noticed myself freaking out, again, about my social relationships. How I’m feeling…

Social Rules

Gossip is ok as long as you aren’t heavily bashing on another person’s character, at least without good proof of their ill actions Steer the conversation to be about the other person, always, giving just a little bit of yourself Always seek to add to the conversation rather than repeat or slow it down Don’t…