Control

I binged again last night.  I’m releasing control today and beyond.  Control…. Control….. Control: the actions that one takes as a means to a desired end.  I sincerely believe that everything that happens has values. That’s a statement that mimicks ‘everything happens for a reason’, but doesn’t rely on fate or destiney.  In telling Erin…

Not a Binge

My support friend and I have been trying something different. We have been repeating to ourselves that no food is bad. I have been ordering and eating what I want, with the goal of stopping when I’m full. For one week now, I have not had a binge on this method. That doesn’t mean I…

WENTI + Recovery Update

WENTI Walk in the morning Eat what’s there No food is bad Talk isn’t stary I am enough Walk in the Morning: Cheeto and Chester needs their exercises each day. Cheeto, especially needs his arthritic back legs to be exercised. I need to get my blood going first thing in the morning. I added in…

Recovery is Scary

Goal:  Heal relationship with food and live a life free from an eating disorder. Recovery Method: Eat when I want but really observe how I feel Eat what I want without labeling it good or bad Work towards being guilt free after eating what I want Exercise for the feeling rather than the calorie burn…

What You Resist, Persists

I lose myself in food because I hated who I was by about 7th grade onward. This is an open letter to no one and everyone: I was never bullied. I didn’t get hit or ostracized. Marks weren’t left on my body, but bruises and scratches were committed on my self worth and body image. My…

Tools to Move Forward With

What Went Well Yesterday: I sat with boredom without binging I played guitar and made music I went to Jiu Jitsu Although I binged, I drank a lot of water and didn’t eat as much as I could have eaten What I’ll Work on Today: Be mindful throughout the day Be mindful when the urge…

Hello Diary, My Old Friend

I’m here to speak with you again…. What Went Well Yesterday: I volunteered to design a newsletter for TAG slog & it turned out pleasant New work at work gives me excitement, makes me realize I don’t like repetitive work Went to no gi BJJ training for the first time and it was fun, I’m…

Boredom Led to Action

What Went Well Yesterday: I didn’t eat past 6pm I made a delicious dinner that was chicken adobo pan cooked, kim chi, raw cucumber with sprinkles of sesame seeds, and raw yellow bell peppers with a little bit of botan rice First attempt at making paleo pancakes was a success – although burnt, it tasted…

Dear Journal

What Went Well Yesterday: Met up with Grandbig and had indian with roommates + Z-shan & his sister Didn’t go into a full fledge binge after having indulging in a cheeseburger, dipped ice cream cone, and 3 cookies from mcdonalds…after having two biscuits and meat gravy for dinner Connected my post-binge self with my craving…

Binge Shackle, Link by Link

Yesterday we all went out (except for Lola) because Z-Shan was in town. We stayed out until 3am. I drank no more than a glass of wine and a sip of a shot. The night went south when we ate Gyros at about 2am. I contemplated on whether or not I should get one but…

Binging and Sleep – Big Revelation!

What went well yesterday: Jiu Jitsu class was awesome. I got a great workout in. I’m becoming better and better at assuming whomever I roll with as just a body instead of a man’s body. It makes for a much more intense and fun roll. I didn’t eat past 7:30pm I meditated twice I went…

Gratitude & Other Items

What went well yesterday: I got to see Leighann and her friends + Tyler for lunch at an Indian buffet across from Zona Rosa. I had some good laughs with everyone. The food was great. I didn’t over eat too much I got to see Erin over dinner and caught up with her I worked…