What You Resist, Persists

I lose myself in food because I hated who I was by about 7th grade onward. This is an open letter to no one and everyone: I was never bullied. I didn’t get hit or ostracized. Marks weren’t left on my body, but bruises and scratches were committed on my self worth and body image. My…

Home is Where the Heart is…

Where is your heart if you don’t desire to go home as I? I learned something this holiday break. My routine was broken when Karen, Kristina, and Jake went home. I felt… really lonely. Now that they’re home, the duplex seems alive again… It’s the strangest thing. This weekend has been filled with old sad…

Day 3

I’m crying again. Thinking of him. It hurts in my heart. I dropped Z-Shan off this morning and realized something that might expose something deeper in my insecurities and may explain why I think Billy is the only one. During the ride, I felt like I had to entertain, I felt like I was boring compared…

Daily Digest #3

My days have become gentle and routine. My dog is eyeing me, wagging his tail with every move I make. He’s gotten use to our daily dog park trips. My comforter is white, and it makes that crisp sound I love when I shuffle it. I have Spotify playing the Deep Focus channel. I’m in…

OMG

I just felt a huge pang of emotion… and following that are thoughts and feelings and reflections of my past wanton actions… and now I’m questioning my worth… But I don’t feel like binging, I feel like figuring out why I feel this way and how to correct it. Ok – the company hired new…

Keep Writing

When things go well, I stop writing. So I stop reflecting, which means things will go wrong again. So this post is my effort to write even when I didn’t feel like it. To be honest, I wasn’t going to write until I noticed myself freaking out, again, about my social relationships. How I’m feeling…

Bridges on Fire, It’s Happening

It’s getting hot, almost too hot to bear. I’ve lost Barb and I’ve lost Charlotte. I’m feeling myself distancing from Lorence and Pip. I don’t know what’s going to happen or if my job is at stake because of our cold shoulder towards each other, Barb and I. I’m not incredibly sad, at times a little lonely,…

A trip into dark places

Follow me as I go on this trip down to places I shouldn’t go too often. It’s going to be relieving and so damaging. I have egg whites smothered with cheddar cheese and avocado on top. A bowl of warm queso cheese to pair with barbecue chips, and last but most likely not all, I have Kaitlyn’s…

Dear Future BoBylan

You are such a restless soul. You touch only the tip of each possible path like you’re running suicide drills. The effort is there but the time you spend on each thought amounts to very little. Only enough for you to think you’re still suitable which is enough to unharm your ego. Don’t target this characteristic and label it a good or…