Gossip

Gossip may be the death of me. This is something I hate to partake in, but sometimes I do to appease the gossiper. I use to do this a lot more, but I lately I have been making it a point not to and to question the gossiper. Someone I’m close to went straight to…

What You Resist, Persists

I lose myself in food because I hated who I was by about 7th grade onward. This is an open letter to no one and everyone: I was never bullied. I didn’t get hit or ostracized. Marks weren’t left on my body, but bruises and scratches were committed on my self worth and body image. My…

The Continual Pursuit of Happiness

Alright. Last night, I binged. I surely did. I was happy with my abs coming through the entire day yesterday and then, BOOM, the night came and I found myself in the kitchen. Like a racoon, I was scavenging for food. I ate everything from 2 chicken sausages with squash spaghetti, half a stack of…

Moods

Something I know about myself is that my mood sometimes is adjusted by how I feel others think about me. Like today… I feel I reached out to my old boss but it went no where, wanted to get lunch with him and them, but because he didn’t offer it, I felt almost rejected. Which…

Going For it

Michael asks me “what’s the issue” when we rolled last week. One hand held my sleeve, one foot rested on my shin, a look of intense focus on his face. My first thought was he meant “why aren’t you moving, what’s the issue”? What he truly meant was, “think about it, what is the issue…

Happy New Year!

I spent most of today laying in the living room with the Moores. We went to Grant’s house last night and hung out with his friends, including Amber. That was after driving around the surrounding area for an open McDonalds – in which there were none. But, to our hangry surprise, Burger King was thankfully…

Feeling that Feeling

Who am I? I don’t know… I’m afraid, I never will. What are my thoughts? What are my beliefs? My opinions? I spend a lot of time listening to others. It’s what I do most of the time, instead of talking. I don’t have much to say, or if I do, I’m highly censored. The censorship keeps…

Home is Where the Heart is…

Where is your heart if you don’t desire to go home as I? I learned something this holiday break. My routine was broken when Karen, Kristina, and Jake went home. I felt… really lonely. Now that they’re home, the duplex seems alive again… It’s the strangest thing. This weekend has been filled with old sad…

Merry Christmas *<<=

I’m on the living room couch with Chester and Cheeto, Merry Christmas from our family to yours! When I woke, the lonely ache barely touched me. I feel it most strong when I imagine Billy happy with his girlfriend this Christmas BUT  I digress. I mustn’t think about topics that make my heart hurt. Society…

Merry Christmas Eve!

I am the very last minute shopper. I went to the mall around noon and just got back… that’s four hours of meandering guided by a desire to purchase well thought out gifts. I wanted to give who ever receives my gifts a little sparkle of energy. I thought I spent a lot but it looks…

Day 15 ~

I don’t know what to title today… I’m sitting at our dining room table. I spent 90% of today staring at this computer screen. 30% dilly dallying, 35% on the wordpress site, and 35% on work. My eyes are strained and my head hurts. I started munching because of the challenge of wordpress. I couldn’t…

Day 14 ~ Shooting Star

I had a moment of realization yesterday that felt like a shooting star. It was beautiful and most impactful but, the moment didn’t last. It’s up to me to keep its memories alive. Like an artist’s first spark before starting a song, that spark must be preserved by the artist somehow to finish the song…