Life Changes – The Big Move

To move to California or to move into a downtown apartment with Hana. That is the question of the next 3 months. Our lease is up July 31st, and I was set on option #2, but something triggered the California dream once more today. I was walking on the track at my gym, just leisurely….

The Continual Pursuit of Happiness

Alright. Last night, I binged. I surely did. I was happy with my abs coming through the entire day yesterday and then, BOOM, the night came and I found myself in the kitchen. Like a racoon, I was scavenging for food. I ate everything from 2 chicken sausages with squash spaghetti, half a stack of…

Going For it

Michael asks me “what’s the issue” when we rolled last week. One hand held my sleeve, one foot rested on my shin, a look of intense focus on his face. My first thought was he meant “why aren’t you moving, what’s the issue”? What he truly meant was, “think about it, what is the issue…

Day 26 of January, in 2017

So Ju Jitsu has been a good experience so far. I’ve done two classes. The first class I was the only girl, the second class I got to practice with a couple girls. I enjoyed doing it with girls because I don’t think too much about anything other than what I’m doing. Although, the first…

Day 14 ~ Shooting Star

I had a moment of realization yesterday that felt like a shooting star. It was beautiful and most impactful but, the moment didn’t last. It’s up to me to keep its memories alive. Like an artist’s first spark before starting a song, that spark must be preserved by the artist somehow to finish the song…

Day 2

I went to the gym this morning. Yesterday, I weighed myself to be 136.2. That’s the lightest I have been since I can remember. I’m not stopping though, there’s no reason to. To live a purposeful life, I must be the best version of me possible. The best version of me is a fit and…

Living With Purpose

I am going to start living my life with a purpose today. Last night I realize I had an emptiness in my heart that I really thought Billy could fill. But, I asked myself, if I never ever met Billy, would I still fill empty as I laid on my bedroom floor? I realize that…

My Heart Broke a Million Times

On his facebook wall were pictures of a beautiful Billy with beautiful girls. My heart, I felt it break a million times. I ran to the bathroom and cried. The night before, I was so close to texting him to come over. Not being on facebook since May, I had no idea he had moved…

Binge Again

4 lbs. gained in 3 days. 10/27 = 137 10/29 = 141 That’s how easy and quick it is to gain weight, especially with an eating ‘disorder’. It’s done, but here’s a mind dump of why and what I can do next. My theory (developed as I write): Every weekend, if I don’t have any…

A trip into dark places

Follow me as I go on this trip down to places I shouldn’t go too often. It’s going to be relieving and so damaging. I have egg whites smothered with cheddar cheese and avocado on top. A bowl of warm queso cheese to pair with barbecue chips, and last but most likely not all, I have Kaitlyn’s…

A conversation with Professor Patty Ward

I was annoyed with her simply because of her sarcasm given freely as she sat on the pedicure chair. But, eventually I took out my earbuds because that annoyance turned to admiration. She was real and full of sarcasm and jokes. When I asked her how she was, she said not great because she was turning 65…