The Continual Pursuit of Happiness

Alright. Last night, I binged. I surely did. I was happy with my abs coming through the entire day yesterday and then, BOOM, the night came and I found myself in the kitchen. Like a racoon, I was scavenging for food. I ate everything from 2 chicken sausages with squash spaghetti, half a stack of…

2 Steps Forward

I watched a meditation video with my mom Sunday, reluctantly. I felt my stomach churn and turn, I think it was engrained reactions from back in the day, when she use to make me do things I didn’t want to do such as go to Temple. Still I sat and watched and challenged myself to…

Is This My Life?

Hello darkness, my old friend… Yesterday everything was great until my roommates came home. One of them gives me anxiety because of her personality changes from me and her sister and best friend. With me, I feel she isn’t her true self, while she teases her best friend and sister. I can’t be myself because…

Feelin’ Right

I listened to Oprah for a big last night – the main thing I got was to really listen to your intuition and listen to how you feel about things. The way she spoke about news reporting not being right for her is how I feel about all my work thus far not being ‘right’…

Hello Again

I can’t remember the last time I’ve written on here… I’ve been cheating on you… I’ve found a little community on Reddit – the BingeEatingDisorder subreddit. There, I’ve been posting everyday and titling it “Challenging my Binge/Urge Day #__”. There I feel heard and seen, some have commented encouraging things, saying my points help them…

I’m Sorry Dad ~ But It’s ALL GROOVY

My dad and I got into it. I came home to get my car fixed by him, he asked if I can help him call certain bill collectors. And then, he went on his tangents about how mom set all this up and now it’s a mess and this and that and… I should have…

Death

I went to bed thinking about this alot. What would happen if I died? Who would mourn? What would be left unsaid? Death is so final, but at the same time, during episodes of intense sadness, it seems so freeing. No longer do I overthink relationships, no longer do I feel self-pity, no longer would…

Hurting

Last night was tough, this morning I feel a dense cloud lingering in my head. I binged till I felt like my stomach was near to tearing. I was and am so lonely. Actually, I feel it. I feel pathetic writing about it again, I wish instead I was writing about how my life is so fulfilling…

Do We Absolutely Become What We Fear Most?

I went to the gym this morning, at 5:45 a.m. I saw Erin on the elliptical, which normally would be really cool, except, yesterday I asked if she wanted to do a morning workout, “so I can hear all about your first day”. To that she replied there wasn’t much to talk about. I was…

Happy New Year!

I spent most of today laying in the living room with the Moores. We went to Grant’s house last night and hung out with his friends, including Amber. That was after driving around the surrounding area for an open McDonalds – in which there were none. But, to our hangry surprise, Burger King was thankfully…

Merry Christmas Eve!

I am the very last minute shopper. I went to the mall around noon and just got back… that’s four hours of meandering guided by a desire to purchase well thought out gifts. I wanted to give who ever receives my gifts a little sparkle of energy. I thought I spent a lot but it looks…

Anxiety & The Silver Lining

I feel my anxiety talking. She’s taking things personal when she shouldn’t be. Why do I get offended if Erin isn’t responsive to my messages? Or Hannah isn’t? I do onto others a waiting period for my responses, so why do I get so hurt when others make me wait? Or doesn’t respond the way…