Recovery is Scary

Goal:  Heal relationship with food and live a life free from an eating disorder. Recovery Method: Eat when I want but really observe how I feel Eat what I want without labeling it good or bad Work towards being guilt free after eating what I want Exercise for the feeling rather than the calorie burn…

Day 2 Morning Tracking

I woke up this morning without feeling guilty, even though I snacked last night. I put my sports bra on and intended to run with Chester in an effort to maintain the same activity level as I had before – running in the morning and BJJ in the evening. I didn’t follow through though. The…

Day 1 of Freedom Eating

I’ve been eating what I want, and snacking when I feel like it. Although I do this, it is not guilt free. I still get the feeling that I need to eat better tomorrow to not gain weight. But, I’m not going to. I’m going to continue what I’m doing. Cravings can be controlled and…

One Month of Intuitive Eating (Vien’s Style)

I am back on this wagon (Vien’s style because I didn’t read a book about it). My goal is to normalize foods that I have engrained as off limits in my subconscious. I am prepared to gain a bit of weight because I will be eating fatty & greasy foods I kept myself away from…

Girl on the Green Mat

New BJJ Blog: I started a BJJ blog here: www.girlonthegreenmat.com I’ve been wanting to start a blog about something other than my deep personal life lately. I first thought of doing something around personal development through a site I called BloomingX but I had a problem with really focusing on a topic. I landed on just…

What You Resist, Persists

I lose myself in food because I hated who I was by about 7th grade onward. This is an open letter to no one and everyone: I was never bullied. I didn’t get hit or ostracized. Marks weren’t left on my body, but bruises and scratches were committed on my self worth and body image. My…

Tools to Move Forward With

What Went Well Yesterday: I sat with boredom without binging I played guitar and made music I went to Jiu Jitsu Although I binged, I drank a lot of water and didn’t eat as much as I could have eaten What I’ll Work on Today: Be mindful throughout the day Be mindful when the urge…

Hello Diary, My Old Friend

I’m here to speak with you again…. What Went Well Yesterday: I volunteered to design a newsletter for TAG slog & it turned out pleasant New work at work gives me excitement, makes me realize I don’t like repetitive work Went to no gi BJJ training for the first time and it was fun, I’m…

Boredom Led to Action

What Went Well Yesterday: I didn’t eat past 6pm I made a delicious dinner that was chicken adobo pan cooked, kim chi, raw cucumber with sprinkles of sesame seeds, and raw yellow bell peppers with a little bit of botan rice First attempt at making paleo pancakes was a success – although burnt, it tasted…

Dear Journal

What Went Well Yesterday: Met up with Grandbig and had indian with roommates + Z-shan & his sister Didn’t go into a full fledge binge after having indulging in a cheeseburger, dipped ice cream cone, and 3 cookies from mcdonalds…after having two biscuits and meat gravy for dinner Connected my post-binge self with my craving…

Binge Shackle, Link by Link

Yesterday we all went out (except for Lola) because Z-Shan was in town. We stayed out until 3am. I drank no more than a glass of wine and a sip of a shot. The night went south when we ate Gyros at about 2am. I contemplated on whether or not I should get one but…

Binging and Sleep – Big Revelation!

What went well yesterday: Jiu Jitsu class was awesome. I got a great workout in. I’m becoming better and better at assuming whomever I roll with as just a body instead of a man’s body. It makes for a much more intense and fun roll. I didn’t eat past 7:30pm I meditated twice I went…