Fear > Guilt

More than anything else, I believe fear rummages through my overfilled body and mind. After the last post, I continued to raid the fridge. I had in all:

• Spam
• Eggs
• Rice
• Chicken soup
• Ice cream/caramel
• Two pieces of sweet candies
• Chips and salsa 
• 3 pieces of jerky

It felt great in the beginning but then deminishing returns kick started and I ended up really not enjoying the chips/salsa and jerkey. So now I lay with Chester sprawled out sideways, his head resting on my pelvis. My tummy is still full, and the fear is real.

• What if this breaks my habit 
• What if now I’ll go back to 178 lbs. and miserable
• What if I’ll continue to binge each day till I’m overweight again

So many what ifs with one controlling factor: Me

I don’t want to break my habit and slow down my progress. I don’t want to go back to 178 lbs. I don’t want to binge each day till I’m overweight again.

So I won’t. 

Vien, I love you.