Fear > Guilt

More than anything else, I believe fear rummages through my overfilled body and mind. After the last post, I continued to raid the fridge. I had in all:

  • Spam
  • Eggs
  • Rice
  • Chicken soup
  • Ice cream/caramel
  • Two pieces of sweet candies
  • Chips and salsa 
  • 3 pieces of jerky

It felt great in the beginning but then deminishing returns kick started and I ended up really not enjoying the chips/salsa and jerkey. So now I lay with Chester sprawled out sideways, his head resting on my pelvis. My tummy is still full, and the fear is real.

  • What if this breaks my habit 
  • What if now I’ll go back to 178 lbs. and miserable
  • What if I’ll continue to binge each day till I’m overweight again

So many what ifs with one controlling factor: Me

I don’t want to break my habit and slow down my progress. I don’t want to go back to 178 lbs. I don’t want to binge each day till I’m overweight again.

So I won’t. 

Vien, I love you. 

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